Of Negotiators and Housemaids
by Srina
Summary: Elizabeth needs to take a break from the UN and accepts a job as a housemaid. Little does she know that her new boss will turn her life upside down. SPARKY
1. Prologue

"Elizabeth, you are crazy" Julie said and leaned against the door frame, shaking her head.

"It's just a job, Julie" Elizabeth answered and went looking for her keys. Julie sighed.

"You are one of the world's foremost negotiators, Elizabeth, you work for the United Nations and yet you accepted a job as a...housemaid?" Elizabeth turned to her friend and sighed heavily.

"I need a break, Julie. I've been held captive in Namibia for two months. I just...I need time and I won't find that time when I continue working for the UN. I'm not going to quit my job, I love it too much to do so, but I just...can't go back there, not yet" Elizabeth said, suppressing a shudder when she thought about her time in Namibia.

"I understand that, I really do, but you could have had any job in the world and yet you want to serve other people? Bring them drinks and make their beds?" Julie asked and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, I want to do that. I know you don't understand it, nobody does. My father calls every day and tries to talk me into working for him at his company, but I don't want that. For once in my life I want a normal job. No responsibilities for the lives of others, not being scared of losing my own life. I knew what it meant to become a negotiator, I knew the risks and I don't regret my choice, but I just want..." she broke off and looked at her friend.

Julie Stevens was her best friend since high school. She was a photographer and had her own studio. They were both sharing an apartment in Washington D.C. for about four years now.

"Give me time" Elizabeth said and Julie nodded slowly.

"Of course, I just want to make sure you're ok and happy. That's all I want, ok? Now, how's this family you're going to work for?"

"I don't know. I've just talked to the caretaker, Mr. Robbins. He's responsible for the staff. I haven't seen one of the Sheppard's yet" Elizabeth shrugged and took her bag from the kitchen table.

"They have a caretaker? That sounds like they have a big house" Elizabeth laughed.

"Yes, it is pretty impressive. Looks a bit like my father's summer residence in Italy, just bigger" she said and walked towards Julie who was still leaning at the kitchen door. "I'll be fine" she assured and gave her a quick hug.

"Of course you will be. I expect you'll be back for dinner tonight, right? I'm going to cook and you are going to tell me everything about your first day as a housemaid"

* * *

A/N: Ok, this is my first FF ever and English isn't my first language either, so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy it.


	2. New job, new hair, new man

There was a small parking lot at the side of the house. Mr. Robbins had told her that it was reserved for the staff. There would be a side entrance just around the corner on her right. Elizabeth got out of the car and took in her surroundings. She could make out a part of the beautiful backyard. The Sheppard's house was outside Washington, approximately 30 minutes away from her and Julie's apartment.

She locked the car and made her way towards the side entrance. Elizabeth felt nervous. She spotted the door around the corner and made herself walk towards it with determined steps. She could do this. Mr. Robbins had been nice. Very nice in fact. Elizabeth guessed that he was in his sixties.

She stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath. She then straightened her jacket and knocked. Within seconds the door was opened and she looked into the friendly face of a blonde woman. Elizabeth was startled for a second before she found her words again.

"Good morning. I'm Elizabeth Weir, I'm..."

"Oh, great, there you are" the woman said happily and pulled her into the house, closing the door behind her. She was now standing in the staff lounge. To her right was the door that led to Mr. Robbins's office and a few feet ahead of her was the door that led to the kitchen. Mr. Robbins had given her a short tour after her job interview.

The woman disappeared around a corner to Elizabeth's left and came back a few seconds later with a bundle of clothes in her hand.

"Here, these are yours" she said and shoved the bundle into Elizabeth's arms. It was a black skirt and a black blouse. "Shoes are around the corner. Your locker is the one at the window. I'm Mia" she grinned and extended a hand. Elizabeth took it with her free hand.

"Elizabeth" she said and looked at the woman in front of her. She was very young, maybe 21 or 22. Her hair was tied back in a knot. She was almost as tall as Elizabeth and she had bright blue eyes.

"I'm glad that dad finally found someone" she said happily. Elizabeth gave her a confused look. "Mr. Robbins. Mia Robbins, I'm his daughter. He's not here at the moment, don't ask me where he is. I bet it is 'something of great importance'. It's always important" she explained. "You can change your clothes now, I'll be in the kitchen. The lords and the lady await their breakfast" she said and disappeared through the door in front of Elizabeth.

She stared after Mia. Lords and lady? Elizabeth swallowed. What had she gotten herself into? She then turned around the corner to find her locker. A pair of black slippers was standing in front of it. Mia seemed to be very energetic, maybe a bit too energetic. She was quite the opposite of Mr. Robbins. He had seemed quite calm and quiet.

Elizabeth shrugged out of her jacket and put it in the locker. She then changed her jeans and t-shirt against the skirt and the blouse. She was used to wear skirts, but she preferred pants. She decided to pull her hair back in a pony tail, thinking that it would be best to follow Mia's example. She wasn't used to wear her hair like that, she always wore it down, but it was something new. New job, new hair.

"You're ready, that's good" Mia greeted her when Elizabeth entered the kitchen 5 minutes later, dressed up in her new uniform. "You can help me to get the breakfast into the dining room. Oh and that's Josh" she pointed to a man to Elizabeth's right. He was reading in a book. "He's busy finding a new extraordinary recipe. He's the cook. He'll eventually talk to you later" Mia said and handed her a basket with bread. She then walked across the room to another door.

Elizabeth followed her and found herself in the large dining room. There was a massive table in the middle, offering seats for 8 people, but with only 3 place settings. Elizabeth put the basket with the bread on the table and helped to get the rest of the dishes and food inside the room. When they were finished, she and Mia disappeared in the kitchen again.

"Ok, who am I working for?" Elizabeth finally asked. She didn't know a thing about her employers.

"The Sheppard's? Nice people. Richard Sheppard is owner of one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in the U.S. and Kelly Sheppard is teaching at an elementary school. She really doesn't have to work at all, but she likes her children and she would never stop teaching. John Sheppard is...well, he's the complete opposite of his parents. He's a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force and he runs a flight school just a few miles away from here. He just came back from a mission or something like that a few weeks ago. You'll see the difference between him and his parents when you meet him" Mia explained.

Elizabeth nodded. She could understand Mrs. Sheppard. Her father had told her many times that there was no need for her to work and make money, especially not with a job as a negotiator, but Elizabeth had always wanted to be independent. Her family had money, yes, but she didn't want it. She wanted to have her own life, her own work and her own money.

It was somehow ironic that she had landed herself here. She had wanted to take a break from the UN and the military in particular and now her new boss was an Air Force Colonel. That was just great.

"You can go and check if they need something" Mia said and Elizabeth snapped out of her thoughts.

"What?" she asked, feeling suddenly terrified. This job was really different compared to the work she did for the UN. She was good with people when she needed to solve problems and negotiate treaties, but this was something else. This seemed more personal.

"Don't worry, they won't bite you. Just ask if everything is ok" Elizabeth straightened her blouse and went back to the door that led to the dining room. She then knocked and entered. She found only one person standing at the window.

He was standing with his back to her, his arms folded in front of his chest. His head was somewhat tilted to his right. Elizabeth had to suppress a smile when she saw his hair. It was black and seemed to follow its own rules. It was pointing wildly in every direction. Elizabeth cleared her throat.

"Good morning" she said politely. He whirled around and looked at her. His eyes were a sparkling green. He looked at her for a few minutes more and Elizabeth wanted to apologize for interrupting him when a smile spread across his face.

"Morning. I'm sorry, I just let my mind wander a bit too far" he smiled and scratched the back of his head. Elizabeth's heart gave a small jump at the picture. "Since I haven't seen you here before, I assume that you are Elizabeth" he said friendly and stepped towards her.

"How do you know my name?" she asked confused. He laughed slightly.

"Nicholas told me that there would be an addition to the staff. He was pretty enthusiastic when he told me about you. John Sheppard" he said and extended a hand. Elizabeth looked at it for a few moments and then took it.

"Elizabeth Weir. And with Nicholas you mean Mr. Robbins, right?" she asked. So this was John Sheppard, the Air Force Colonel. His hand was warm and she had expected it to be rough, but his skin was soft.

"Yes, Mr. Robbins" he said, his hand still holding hers. Neither of them made the move to draw their hands away. Elizabeth looked at his face. A slight stubble was shadowing his chin. A smile framed his lips and Elizabeth felt suddenly drawn to him.

"Oh, John, you're already here" a voice said and they both jerked away from each other. Elizabeth's gaze wandered from John Sheppard's face towards a door at the other end of the room and fixed on another man, undoubtedly Mr. Sheppard senior. He wore a black suit, matched with a perfect tied blue tie.

"I'm an early riser, dad. You should know that by now" John said and folded his arms again in front of his chest. Richard Sheppard laughed slightly and then his gaze turned to Elizabeth. He gave his son a questioning look. "That's Elizabeth Weir. It's her first day here today"

"Good morning" Elizabeth said. Sheppard senior gave her a quick smile and sat down at the table. "Enjoy your breakfast" she added and made her way back to the door that led to the kitchen. She looked a last time at John Sheppard who was still watching her and closed the door.


	3. A Walk in the Park

Being a housemaid was very different to being a negotiator - obviously. She was barely able to do her own household, it was Julie who did the greater part of it and now she had to do all the things she never did: serving breakfast, dusting thousands of shelves and making beds. The beds were the worst part. How could Mr. Robbins actually employ her? She couldn't make beds. She could talk people into signing contracts of every kind, she could still bargain for her life with a gun held to her head, but beds?

It was kind of funny which problems she had to face in this job. She had never expected it to be so...difficult. And exhausting. It was a full-time job, at least one thing that hadn't changed.

Kelly and Richard Sheppard were nice but distant people. They weren't condescending towards the staff, but yet there was a certain coldness whenever they were around. It was strictly them and the staff. John Sheppard on the other hand was different compared to his parents. Mia had been right; Elizabeth had noticed it on her first day.

One hour after she had met him in the dining room, he had come into the kitchen, carrying the used dishes and the basket with the rest of the bread. She had stared at him in surprise at first and then she had helped him to clear the table in the dining room completely.

"It's the same every morning" Mia had said when he had disappeared again, not before thanking Elizabeth for helping him. "He even makes his bed, too. I haven't set foot into his room since I work here" she added and Elizabeth had stared at the closed door behind which John Sheppard had disappeared.

He had caught her interest on that first day and, to Elizabeth's annoyance, it had grown steadily over the past three weeks. She had only seen glimpses of him the past few weeks, but yet every time it had made her crave for more. It was just ridiculous. He was a military man, he represented everything she hated and his hair was pure impertinence, but yet his presence always sent tingles all over her body.

She was glad that she didn't see him that much, because when these short glimpses of him could already make her nervous, she didn't want to know what could happen, if she saw him all the time. She couldn't put her finger on it, but this man just...touched her. She couldn't find another word for it.

It was already dark outside when Elizabeth called it a night and said goodnight to Mia and Josh. Josh wasn't a chatty fellow and Elizabeth had decided not to force him into any conversations. He loved his cooking and from what Elizabeth had already tasted, she agreed that he should stick to it.

Elizabeth welcomed the fresh air when she stepped outside. There was a small path to her left that led into the faintly illuminated backyard. Well, you probably couldn't call it backyard anymore. It seemed more like a small park to Elizabeth. She sighed and turned to her right, in the direction of her car.

She was almost there when she saw a figure running along the long gateway towards her. She walked the last few steps to her car and put her bag in the trunk. She was about to get into the driver's seat when she heard her name. She turned around again and recognized John Sheppard jogging in her direction. Her heart involuntarily gave a little jump. He came to a halt in front of her.

"I...I..." he panted and bent forward, his hands resting on his thighs. Elizabeth had to smile at the picture. It took a few moments before he had caught his breath again. He straightened his back and looked at her. "I'm not made for sprinting" he said and wiped away the sweat on his forehead with the sweatband on his right wrist.

"Why did you sprint in the first place?" Elizabeth asked.

"I saw you leaving the house. Wanted to catch up with you" he said. Elizabeth straightened her back.

"If there's something wrong..." she began, but he cut her off.

"God, no. Everything's fine. I just wanted...walk with me?" he asked and pointed to the back of the house.

"I was on my way home" she said, wondering why the hell he wanted to take a walk with her. There was disappointment written in his face for the blink of an eye before he nodded slowly.

"I see. Of course. I don't want to hold you up" he said.

"No, you don't hold me up, it's just..." she glanced at her watch. Julie was probably already waiting with dinner for her. "There's someone waiting for me" she finished. "Five minutes" she then said when he was about to open his mouth. His lost words turned into a grin.

"Five minutes" he repeated and they walked together in the direction of the small path that led into the backyard/park. They walked in silence for a few moments before Elizabeth broke it.

"I get money for my work, you know?" she said and looked at him.

"What?"

"You don't have to help me clearing the table" she explained. He still thanked her every morning for helping him. He laughed.

"I know, but I want to" he simply said and Elizabeth looked ahead again. "So, who's waiting for you tonight?" he asked.

"A friend"

"A friend?"

"My roommate"

"Your roommate?"

"Do you always have to repeat what other people say?" she asked and raised an eyebrow at him. He laughed.

"Wow, that eyebrow is intimidating. No, I'm capable of forming my own sentences" he joked.

"Are you sure about that?" Elizabeth asked and immediately bit her lip. He was her boss for god's sake. She couldn't talk to him like that. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Don't worry, it's ok. Don't talk to me like I were your boss. I'm not" Elizabeth gave him a questioning look. "You don't work for me" he said.

"Well, since you haven't noticed it, I _do_ work for you"

"I don't want you to work for me. You may work for my parents, but not for me. And just to make things clear, I'm John and not Mr. Sheppard, just in case you intend to address me with my last name" Now that Elizabeth thought about it, she hadn't addressed him a single time since she worked there. Well, she had barely seen him all those weeks.

"But..."

"No 'buts'. I prefer to go by John. It's already bad enough that Nicholas and Mia refuse to use my first name. There was a reason why my parents gave me a first name" he grinned. They were coming to a halt in front of a bench and John sat down. It was at the side of the house, hidden behind a group of trees. Elizabeth sat down next to him. She could see a part of the house where a few windows were illuminated.

"This place is beautiful" she said and her gaze wandered around. She couldn't see much in the darkness, but she could feel a certain charm radiating from her surroundings.

"It's my favourite spot next to the sky" John said and Elizabeth looked at him. He was watching the stars above. "What did you do before you came here?" he asked and turned his head in her direction. Elizabeth looked away and fixed her gaze on the ground.

"I was...I am...I'm..." she struggled for words. Images of Namibia flooded her head and she could suddenly feel the cold iron of a gun against her temple.

"Hey, you ok?" John asked and Elizabeth looked at him. There was concern and worry in his eyes. She wasn't ok. She had taken this job to take a break from the UN and it had worked for three weeks until now. Her mind had been too busy to think about what had happened in Namibia. Why did he have to ask her that damn question?

She had never really talked about what really had happened in those two months she had been held captive. She had told Julie a few bits and pieces, but that was it.

"Elizabeth?" John asked and she snapped out of her thoughts. She focused on his face. Now the worry was written all over it.

"It's late. I should go now" she said and stood up. He did the same.

"Ok. I'll walk you" he offered, but she refused.

"No, it's ok. I'm fine" she said and took a few steps away from him. He was confused, she could tell by his expression, but he chose to let her go.

"Ok. Goodnight, Elizabeth"

"Goodnight"


	4. Friendly Advice

"Is everything ok?" Julie asked three days later at dinner. Elizabeth stopped picking her food and looked at her friend.

"I'm fine" she said automatically.

"Are you sure about that, Elizabeth? You seem distant the past few days" Julie said worried. "Is everything ok at work?"

"Yes" she said and forced herself to take a bite of her food. She had struggled to make a straight face since John had asked her about her former job three days ago, when all she wanted to do was cry.

"Elizabeth?" She jerked out of her thoughts. She looked at Julie and straightened her back.

"I'm fine, Julie. Really. I'm just tired, that's all" she assured her and forced another fork of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

Half an hour later they both were finished eating and doing the dishes when the doorbell rang. Julie looked questioningly at Elizabeth who shrugged her shoulders. She didn't expect anyone. Julie went to the door while Elizabeth continued clearing the table.

"Hey there" a voice said moments later and Elizabeth let a glass slip through her hands. It landed on the floor, bursting into shards. John hurried into the kitchen and kneeled down beside Elizabeth to pick up the remains of the glass. Julie was giving her a questioning look.

"What are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked, slightly shocked. She couldn't think of a reason why John Sheppard was currently kneeling beside her, in her apartment, helping her to collect shards from the floor. He threw a quick look at Julie and then looked back at the shards in his hands.

"I wanted to talk to you"

"How do you know where I live?" Elizabeth asked and put her shards in the trash. John followed her example.

"I asked Nicholas to give me your address" he shrugged. Elizabeth looked at him, confused. What was he doing here? "Take a walk with me?" he then asked. She considered his offer for a few moments before she turned to Julie. She was looking at them in confusion.

"Is it ok with you, if I'll go for a few minutes?"

"Yeah, sure" Julie said and Elizabeth led John out of the kitchen, back into the hallway. She grabbed her jacket and opened the door. "It'll only be a few minutes" she said to Julie and left the apartment, John on her heels.

It was cold outside and Elizabeth wished she had picked a warmer jacket. They were walking along the empty street, once again in silence. She waited for him to say what he wanted to say, but nothing came. She couldn't take the silence any longer.

"What do you want?" she finally asked and came to halt in front of him.

"You need to talk about it" he said outright.

"Talk about what?" she asked and raised an eyebrow at him. She had a fairly good idea what he meant.

"I don't know what it is, but you need to talk about it. It won't get better, if you continue to be silent" Elizabeth stared at him. What was he thinking? He didn't know her and it was none of his business.

"Is that all?" she asked coldly, hugging herself against the freezing wind. It was way too cold for October. He sighed.

"Just one thing: Believe me when I say that you need to get it off your chest. Talk to someone before it destroys you. Listen to a guy who saw his two best friends die in front of his eyes in Afghanistan. I know what I'm talking about. And I also know that you desperately need someone to talk to" he said before he turned around and walked into the direction they had come from.

Elizabeth watched him leave, fighting the tears that were burning in her eyes. He had no right to tell her what to do. He didn't even know her. He didn't know what she had gone through in Namibia. He didn't know how hard it was to talk about it, that she _couldn't _talk about it.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Ok, maybe he knew what it felt like. She didn't know why, but maybe he just wanted to help her. Maybe he was right that she needed to talk about it. Maybe. But she knew for a fact that she wouldn't talk to _him_.


	5. Breaking Down and Rising High

"He's grumpy" Mia said when Elizabeth helped her setting the table the next morning.

"Who's grumpy?" Elizabeth asked, folding a napkin and placing it on John's seat.

"Sheppard junior. I ran into him before you came and he's...he's just grumpy. It's a pretty rare sight, because he's always in a good mood, but today..." she sighed and placed forks and knives beside the plates.

Elizabeth thought about his visit the previous evening, but that couldn't be the reason of his bad mood. Why would it? He had expressed his opinion and she had made clear that she didn't want to hear about it. There was no reason to be grumpy.

It was three hours later when she learned that this conversation actually was the reason. She was on the first floor and had finished making the Sheppard's beds when she ran into him. He groaned at her sight and turned around again to go into the other direction when he turned around once more and came towards her.

"Why am I doing this? Why do I want to help you?" he asked frustrated. Elizabeth looked at him for a few moments before she found words.

"I don't need your help" she returned as cold as ice.

"See? That's exactly what I mean. You don't want my help, because you don't know me. I don't know you either, but...Tell me, why am I doing this? Why do I care about a woman who told me to leave her alone? Why do I care about you although I don't know you? I don't understand it!" he exclaimed and threw his hands in the air in frustration. Elizabeth stared at him, her mouth slightly open in shock. "Could you please say something?" he asked after a few moments when she still hadn't said anything. Elizabeth desperately tried not to do what she was about to do, but it didn't help.

"I worked as a negotiator for the UN. I was being held captive for 2 months in Namibia. I returned about 2 months ago. I decided to take a break from my job and landed myself here. They tortured me. I could have taken the torturing, if there had been a reason why they did it, but there was no reason, they just...they...they were about to shoot me when the rescue came and I...I..." It came out of her mouth without a warning and she struggled to find more words when she felt tears roll down her cheeks. She wiped them away frantically, but they wouldn't stop falling down.

She didn't want to cry and she desperately tried to suppress the sob that threatened to escape her throat. It was pure will that held her back from breaking down completely in front of him. She looked up at him, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She couldn't decipher his expression, she didn't know if it showed pity or worry or just confusion and she didn't really care. All she wanted right know was to stop her tears from falling. She hadn't planned to tell him.

"I need to...I need to get back...get back to work" she forced herself to say, trying desperately to keep her voice calm and steady. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe deeply. She couldn't manage it.

Elizabeth didn't really notice John taking her hand and leading her into a room to her right. He led her away from the corridor where any minute someone could pass by. He closed the door behind him and she turned around.

"I'm sorry, I...I..." she tried to say before she couldn't take it anymore. She started crying bitterly, losing all the control she'd had. She could feel John encircle her with his arms, pressing her closely against him. She clutched the front of his shirt, her tears dripping into his neck.

"I've got you" he mumbled quietly into her hair. He ran a hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. His grip on her tightened when her body began to shake slightly. They stood there for a few minutes before Elizabeth calmed down a bit. She was still crying, but her sobs didn't shake her anymore. She pulled away from him, feeling suddenly ashamed for her breakdown.

"I'll go... I'll go back and..." she mumbled, but John held her back. He wiped away the sticky hair from her face and brushed her tears away with his thumb.

"No, you can stay here for now. I'll go and talk to Mia or Nicholas. I'll take you home then, ok?" he asked softly, tilting her chin up to make her look at him. New tears threatened to fall and Elizabeth lowered her gaze. It was just embarrassing. John pulled her into another hug and slowly walked her backwards until she hit something with the back of her knees.

He gently pushed her down so that she could sit on a bed. He pulled away and looked at her.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, ok? Just lie down and try to relax" he said quietly and Elizabeth lay down on her right side. The pillow under her head smelled like him. He crouched down in front of the bed and stroked some more hair from her face. "I'll be right back" he said again and Elizabeth nodded against the palm of his hand. "Ok" he said and stood up again. He then left the room.

Silent tears were now dropping onto the pillow, leaving a wet spot on the black material. She hadn't cried once over her captivity and now she'd had to break down in front of him. Elizabeth felt ashamed; it was just embarrassing that he'd had to see that. She hadn't cried in front of Julie, there had been no need to, but now, she couldn't help it. Damn him! Why could he make her talk about it? She had tried to stop herself from opening her mouth, but it hadn't worked. She had told him nevertheless.

Elizabeth blinked away her remaining tears and slowly sat up. She placed wet strands of her hair behind her ear and wiped away the wetness from her cheeks. Her shiny eyes then caught something lying on the nightstand. It was reflecting the light that came through the window. Without thinking about it she picked it up. It was a chain with dog tags.

Elizabeth twirled the chain with the two metal plates in her hand and stopped to read a name. 'Sheppard, John'. She was in his room. She looked up and let her gaze wander around the room. It was a big room. There was a desk in front of the window with dozens of folders and other things on top. It didn't look well organized.

The wall next to the desk was framed with a huge bookshelf, very similar to the one she had in her apartment. She looked over her shoulder and found a small white couch in the back of the room with a guitar lying on top of it. There was also another door that led to the bathroom she guessed.

Curiosity taking over, Elizabeth stood up, wiped her cheeks again to check if there were new tears and went over to the desk, the dog tags dangling from her hand. There were pictures on the far corner of the desk and Elizabeth picked up one frame. It showed a man in fishing clothes. He was grinning widely, giving the photographer two thumbs up.

She put it back down and looked at the next one. It showed John and another man in his Air Force dress blues. The man was a bit smaller than John and had dark blond and short hair and his smile was friendly. They were both looking happy.

There was a third picture behind the other two and Elizabeth picked it up. It showed John in front of a sporting airplane. He was wearing sunglasses and a black leather jacket. He was smiling slightly at the photographer and Elizabeth wondered who had taken the picture.

"Feeling better?" a voice asked and Elizabeth let the dog tags drop to the floor in order to keep the framed picture in her other hand from falling. John came over to her and picked up the chain from the floor while Elizabeth put the picture back onto the desk.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I mean I didn't want to...I..." she stuttered. He had caught her rummaging through his room. This was getting more embarrassing by the minute.

"It's ok. My room is not that interesting, but feel free to take a look around" he said and put the dog tags around his neck and stuffed them under his shirt. Elizabeth watched every move he made. "I told Nicholas that you feel a bit under the weather and that I'll take you home. He told me to tell you to get well soon" he smiled and Elizabeth looked away.

"I'm fine. I can go back to work. I was...that was..." she tried to say, but sighed when she failed to find the words.

"You have the rest of the day off. I'll take you home" he said again and Elizabeth shook her head. He had already let her soak his pillow with tears. That was enough for now.

"No, you don't have to"

"But I want to. Please?"

"I...I don't want to go home" she admitted and turned her back to him. Why was she so talkative around him? It scared her. "Julie is at work and I...I would just sit there and think about...think about it and...I don't want to think about it, I just want to..." she stopped and shook her head in resignation. What was wrong with her? First she couldn't stop herself from talking and now she wasn't even able to say a whole sentence without stuttering.

"Forget?" he offered quietly and she turned around again. Elizabeth nodded. "You will never forget it, the only thing you can do is to live with it, but you will never forget it" he said and looked at her as though he was sorry that he couldn't help her.

"It's just that..." she looked at him helplessly.

"I know" he said sympathetically and looked at her. "Come on, I have an idea" he said and jerked his head in the direction of the door.

"No, I'm fine. I can go back to work" Elizabeth said, but he wouldn't listen.

"Ok, maybe you're fine, but you can't go back to work since I told Nicholas that you're not feeling well and he'll send you home the second he sees you. You don't want to go home and that's why you're going to change your clothes and meet me in front of the house in 15 minutes"

"That's not a good idea" she said and John sighed.

"You are the most stubborn woman I've ever met, you know that?"

"I'm not stubborn, I just think that it is not a good idea" she repeated. One part of her wanted to go with him badly, but the other, for now bigger part screamed at her to get away from him.

"Why not? I told you that you're not working for me, if that's what you mean. I make my bed myself, you don't have to clean my room and I always clear the table after breakfast and occasionally after lunch and dinner when I'm here. I even wash my clothes on my own!" he explained, gesturing wildly with his arms. Elizabeth couldn't help but smile at him. The part of her that wanted to go with him grew stronger by the minute.

"Still..." she began, but he cut her off.

"Ok. I won't force myself onto you. I don't do that. Do whatever you want, it's your choice. I'll be waiting in front of the house for 15 minutes. If you choose to accompany me, great, and if not, still ok" he said and nodded curtly before he left the room. Elizabeth stared after him. Why would he do that? Why bother about her problems? He didn't know her and yet he had comforted her.

One single question from him and she hadn't been able to hold her tears back anymore. He had brought it back to the surface and she had broken down, but yet she felt better than before. She felt lighter, but she didn't want to go home just yet, because she feared that the lightness would vanish as soon as she had time to think about it.

She hurried out of the side entrance 10 minutes later, having changed into her private clothes again and clutching her jacket. She rounded the corner and stopped in front of her car. She found John leaning against the trunk. He was wearing the leather jacket she had seen him wear on the picture in his room.

"I knew you would come" he grinned and pushed himself off the car. "Follow me" he said and they started walking to the other side of the house. When they drew nearer Elizabeth could make out an SUV and a motorbike. She hoped he would go straight to the car, but her hopes just burst like bubbles when he went to the motorbike instead.

"How about you go ahead with that thing and I follow you with my car?" she suggested, eyeing the motorbike skeptically. She hated these things. She felt more comfortable in a _closed_ vehicle with four big wheels instead of two small ones.

"Don't like motorbikes?" he asked.

"Not really" she said and he laughed.

"I see. Ok, let's take the car then, in case I still know how to drive it" he said and gave the vehicle a questioning look. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at him. "I prefer my two- wheeled friend here" he shrugged and went over to open the door for her. Elizabeth got in and he followed her seconds later.

"Where are we going?" she asked when they pulled onto the main road.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you, because you'll probably start yelling at me then" That didn't sound promising. "Don't worry, you'll survive it, I guess" he added.

"You guess?"

"You'll pretty sure survive it" Elizabeth doubted it very much and her doubts were confirmed 20 minutes later when she recognized where they were heading.

"Forget it" she said and folded her arms in front of her chest.

"Forget what?" he asked innocently, pulling the car onto the parking lot of an airfield.

"No way" she said and shook her head. She should have known the moment she had seen him in the leather jacket. The jacket he wore on the picture that showed him standing in front of an airplane. "I'm not going to set foot in one of those things" she declared and gave him a look that left no doubts.

"Who said we were going to fly?" he asked and gave her a questioning look. That caught her off guard and she felt uncertain all of a sudden. What else would they be doing on an airfield?

"I thought...I mean, I...I..." she tried to say and he broke into a grin.

"You thought right and now come on. I won't accept 'no' for an answer" he said and got out of the car, Elizabeth following him grudgingly.

"We can't just go and fly around" she said, feeling uneasy about what lay ahead of her. Talking him out of it would be the best course of action. "You can't just take one of the airplanes, I mean, you can't...can you?"

"Well, since half of this place belongs to me, I'm pretty sure I can" he grinned.

"Half? I thought you own a flight school and everything that comes with it" At least that was what Mia had told her.

"Yes, the flight school is mine, but the ground we're currently walking on belongs to Evan"

"Evan?"

"Evan Lorne. He's...well, there he is" John said and pointed ahead to a man coming out of one of the big hangars. When they got nearer she recognized him. He was the other man on the picture that showed him and John in his dress blues. He was now wearing a jeans and a white t-shirt.

"You're late" he greeted them and John looked at his watch.

"Late for what?" he asked.

"You forgot it"

"Forgot what?

"What day is today?"

"Today is Thursday the 27th and...oh my god! I forgot Mr. Finnigan" John exclaimed and the other man raised an eyebrow at him.

"You threatened to throw me off a plane in case I miss this meeting and now you decide not to come at all. How the hell could you forget the meeting with your favourite and most important investor?"

"I...was he...he's pissed, right?" John asked and ran a hand through his hair. Elizabeth felt uncomfortable beside him. It was her fault that he'd missed that meeting.

"He was at first, but then I told him that you got an urgent call and that you're on your way to the deathbed of your beloved grandmother. He got all teary and we made a new appointment"

"Thank god"

"I'm sorry" Elizabeth said and both men turned their heads to look at her. Evan Lorne rather curious.

"Would you excuse us for a second?" John addressed Evan. The other man nodded.

"I'll be in the hangar"

"Ok, thank you" John said and Evan left them alone.

"I'm sorry" Elizabeth said again.

"What for? I would have forgotten the appointment either way in case you think that you made me miss it. You didn't. I _had _already forgotten it before I ran into you. There's no need to be sorry, ok?" he said sympathetically and Elizabeth nodded slowly. "And by the way: I prefer spending my day with you instead of sitting in an office to discuss my finances and now" he said and looked up into the sky "I'm going to take you up there"

"I don't like flying" Elizabeth admitted and his gaze wandered back on eye level with her.

"Ok, let's get this straight: You don't like motorbikes and you don't like flying. Just answer me this: do you like Ferris wheels?" Elizabeth gave him an apologetic look.

"Not really"

"Well, sounds like I've got a lot of work to do then" he grinned.

"I don't think so" Elizabeth said and raised an eyebrow at him. He laughed.

"I can be very convincing"

"Really?" she asked provocatively. He stepped closer to her and smirked.

"Really" he said and a shiver ran down Elizabeth's spine at the sound of his voice. She held his intense gaze for a few moments before he took her hand in his and pulled her after him.

"What-?"

"You and I are going to take one of those beautiful ladies in this hangar out for a nice little flight and I told you before that I won't take 'no' for an answer. You wanted distraction, you'll get distraction" he said and pulled her into the hangar.

"I don't..." she tried to protest when he suddenly stopped.

"Elizabeth Weir, do I have to drag you into the backseat? I don't know you for long, but believe me, I have no problems with doing that"

"Maybe she's afraid of flying. Ever thought of that, Colonel?" Evan asked and appeared from behind one of the three machines standing in the hangar.

"She isn't, Major. Elizabeth Weir, Major Evan Lorne" John grinned and introduced them properly. Evan held out a hand and Elizabeth took it. "You're not afraid of flying, are you?" John then asked and looked at her. Elizabeth considered saying 'yes', but she shook her head instead.

"No, I'm not. I can't afford to be afraid of flying, otherwise I wouldn't be able to do my job. I just don't like it very much" she said and then bit her lip. She wasn't working as a negotiator anymore. The only travel she absolved at the moment was driving her car from her apartment to the Sheppard's house. John smiled at her knowingly, but didn't say anything.

"I'll be in the office" Evan said and made his way out of the hangar. John looked around and then called after him.

"Hey, where's...?"

"Already outside in the maneuvering area. Everything double checked and triple checked. You can take your ladies out for a nice flight" he said and winked before he rounded the corner and was out of sight.


	6. Of Orange Juice and Dinner Invitations

Of Orange Juice and Dinner Invitations

**A/N: Ok, so, um, hey! I just posted the previous chapters without any comments. I hope you enjoy the story so far. I set the rating for T for now, but it'll change to M in later chapters. Enjoy this chapter and thank you all for your reviews!**

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John had told her that she would get distraction. She knew that he had meant their flight, but Elizabeth had been rather distracted by him. Still was, actually. He had taken her to the airfield 2 ½ weeks ago, 17 long days and she was still distracted. Something was definitely wrong with her. He popped into her mind and stayed there at least for a few hours before she could get rid of him again. But what disturbed her the most was the fact that she actually felt disappointed about the fact that she hadn't seen him once in those very long 17 days. It was as if he'd vanished into thin air.

"Elizabeth?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled confused and looked up to see Julie standing in the doorway.

"The juice?" she asked and pointed to the kitchen counter. Elizabeth looked down and jumped slightly when she saw the mess. She put the now almost empty bottle of orange juice aside and looked for a cloth. She had wanted to pour herself a glass of the liquid only to get caught up in a daydream and had spilled it all over the counter.

She carefully took a sip from the full glass and put it aside to wipe away the puddle of orange juice. It just had happened the day before that she had poured most of the hot coffee onto Julie's lap. It happened rather recently that she got caught up in these daydreams and she wished she could kick John Sheppard out of them.

"Are you feeling ok?" Julie asked and sat down at the kitchen table. Elizabeth wiped her glass dry and joined her.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem pretty distraught lately" she said and smiled at her. Elizabeth didn't like this smile. It always meant that Julie knew something she didn't.

"I'm fine" she said and sipped at the orange juice. Distracted, but fine.

"Oh, I didn't say that you're not fine. Actually you seem extremely fine the past couple of weeks"

"That's because there have been no reasons not to feel fine" Elizabeth shrugged.

"And is there a chance that one of those good reasons happens to be John Sheppard?" Julia asked and grinned. Elizabeth groaned inwardly.

"No" she said a bit too fast. Julie didn't miss it and grinned at her knowingly.

"That didn't sound very convincing. Is it possible that you have fallen for him?" she asked sweetly. Elizabeth almost knocked her glass off the table at her friend's comment.

"No, I haven't. That's ridiculous, Julie. I don't even know him. Ridiculous" she denied.

"Really? Hmm, I thought so. Well then it should be no big deal for you that he's waiting at the door for you" Elizabeth jumped off her chair and finally knocked over her glass. The orange juice spilled over the table and dropped down onto Julie's lap again.

"He is?" Elizabeth asked, but Julie just started laughing. She was mocking her. "I can't believe it, you're mocking me. Serves you right" she said and pointed at the wet stains on Julie's pants.

"John? Would you mind coming into the kitchen?" Julie called out and Elizabeth froze when his form appeared in the doorway moments later. He was looking curiously at the juice covered table. He then looked at Julie.

"What did you two do? You said you're going to get her. That was about ten minutes ago"

"What are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked, unable to keep the shock out of her voice. His gaze wandered to her and he smiled.

"Taking you out to dinner"

"What?" she asked confused. She hadn't known that he would come. She hadn't _expected_ him to come. She hadn't even seen him the past few weeks. What the hell was he doing in her kitchen -- again? He couldn't just appear in her apartment like that, not after vanishing for 17 days.

"Well, eating food at a place called restaurant. Ok, I guess it doesn't really count as a restaurant in this case, but you can eat there nevertheless"

"What are you talking about?"

"He wants you to get your jacket, Elizabeth" Julie said and stood up to take the cloth from the kitchen counter. "Now would you please go before you start spilling other liquids on me? Thank you" Julie continued and shuffled Elizabeth out of the kitchen.

"Julie, I don't think...?"

"Elizabeth, you ruined my favourite t-shirt and jeans yesterday and my new pants a few minutes ago. Please don't think. Just go and have fun and leave my clothes alone" she said and threw a jacket at Elizabeth. She then turned to John. "I want her home at one o'clock. Not a minute later"

"Yes ma'am" he said and grinned. Julie held the front door open for them and closed it right behind their backs.

"What was that?" Elizabeth asked confused and stared at the closed door. Her best friend had just kicked her out of the apartment. Elizabeth turned her head to look at the man currently standing next to her, watching her with an amused expression.

"What did you do to her t-shirt and jeans?" John asked curiously instead of answering her question. Elizabeth frowned at him.

"Spilled coffee on them. Now, what the hell are you doing here?"

"It's Friday evening" he shrugged as if that would complain everything.

"Exactly, it's Friday evening. Shouldn't you be at a party or something?" she asked, still confused.

"This is my last weekend and a party is nothing compared to what we're going to do tonight" he said and Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at him.

"Your last...what? Where are we going?"

"Can't tell you. It's one of those things where you would probably start yelling at me. I don't want to risk that. You have to trust me with this one"

Trust him. It was the second time he wanted her to trust him. The first time had been right before they had taken off with the airplane. She didn't know why, but she had already trusted him before he had even asked. It was the same now.

"Alright, I trust you" she finally said and he opened the door on the passenger's side of his car.

"You won't regret it. I promise" he said and climbed into the car on the other side.


	7. Rise and Fall

Rise and Fall

**A/N: Ok, I'm in a giving mood today. Enjoy!**

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Elizabeth eyed the pink and sticky cotton candy on her fingers. She then peeked sideways at John. He stuffed some of the pink sweet into his mouth. Her eyes travelled back to her sticky finger.

"You know, I'll get caries from this" she said, but licked the cotton candy from her index finger nevertheless.

"It's definitely worth it" he grinned. He looked like a five year old and Elizabeth had to tear her eyes away from this sight. It just looked adorable and it absolutely shouldn't look adorable at all.

John had taken her to a fair just outside Washington and as soon as they had set foot in the area he had bought them cotton candy.

"When was the last time you've been on a fair?" he asked and stuffed some more of his cotton candy into his mouth. Elizabeth was surprised that she had to think about that question a long time. She couldn't really remember her last time on a fair.

"It's been a while" she just said and thought hard. Maybe as a child with her parents. That was indeed a long time ago.

"I guess it's about time then, don't you think? Something to cheer you up"

"I'm fine" she said and frowned at him. She was fine. Her breakdown 2½ weeks ago had been embarrassing, yes, but it had also helped her. She really felt fine.

"Really? You didn't miss me the past few days?" he asked smugly. Elizabeth looked away to hide the blush on her cheeks.

"No" she said and he sighed.

"You just broke my heart, you know that? Want something to drink?"

He had said earlier that he would take her out to dinner and he didn't break his promise. They ate on every occasion and had sweets on every corner and Elizabeth mentally made a note to call her dentist the next day to make an appointment. On the other hand she liked strolling around with John and watching the people who walked with them. She liked it until she saw where they were heading. She stopped walking and looked at John with a raised eyebrow.

"I think now is a good time to start yelling at you" she said when they came to a halt in front of the Ferris wheel.

"Why?"

"That was your plan the whole evening, wasn't it? To get me into that thing" she said and jerked her head towards the Ferris wheel. He stepped in front of her.

"No, it wasn't. My plan was to spend an evening with you. The Ferris wheel is just a bonus"

"Forget it" she said and folded her arms in front of her chest.

"Come on, it's not that high, especially compared to our flight. That was high" he said and turned around to look at one of the dangling cabins above.

"It's high enough" she said and he looked back at her.

"I told you once that I have no problems with dragging you inside, didn't I?" he raised an eyebrow at her. Elizabeth automatically took a step back.

"You wouldn't do--aaaahhh" she screamed in surprise when John grabbed her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder. "Get me down, John" she said furiously and struggled against this sudden intrusion into her private space, but he just started walking. "I'm serious, Mr. Sheppard, get me down. Now!" she said loudly, but he didn't stop. She could make out a few people already staring at them.

"You promise to go into the Ferris wheel with me?" he asked.

"No"

"Well then I won't put you down" he said and she could feel him shrug. Elizabeth struggled as best as she could, but his hold on her legs was too strong.

"John, let me go" she said, her voice filled with anger. What was he thinking? Who was he that he thought he could just do that?

"The next cabin is ours" he said unimpressed.

"Put me down, John!" she said in a tone that would have scared the bravest man away. It didn't work on him though. She tried it again and again, but he didn't let her go. It took a few more minutes before she could feel solid ground under her feet again, but it was too late. She was now standing in one of the dangling cabins of the Ferris wheel.

They were already moving.

"Sit down, Elizabeth" John said friendly and she considered remaining on her feet just out of spite, but the well-being of her own safety finally convinced her. She sat down, folded her arms in front of her chest and stared in the direction where she wouldn't see John. She was angry. He had no right to do what he'd just done.

The evening had started out so well, she had been happy to see him after such a long time, but now she didn't know why she had wanted to see him again.

"Pretty nice view, huh?" he asked, but she ignored him. "Elizabeth?" She could now hear uncertainty in his voice and it satisfied her. "Hey" he tried again and put a hand on her shoulder, but she jerked it away. She wanted to show this cocky flyboy that he wouldn't get away with everything he did. That's was he was: a cocky flyboy who felt too confident about his charm to wrap women around his finger.

She knew that she was too stubborn for her own good, but who the hell was he that he thought he had the right to do that with her? He didn't know her and she wouldn't let him get away with it. Maybe other women fell for his charm, but she wouldn't. Absolutely not.

They sat in silence until their ride was over and Elizabeth was the first one to leave the Ferris wheel.

"Thank you for dinner" she said coldly and started walking away from him.

"Elizabeth, wait" he called after her and caught up with her. He gripped her elbow softly to make her stop. "Why are you mad at me?" he asked confused. Elizabeth gave a hollow laugh.

"Why am I-- I'm not mad at you" she said. She wasn't mad, she was raging.

"Yes, you are. Is it about the Ferris wheel? I just thought..."

"You thought wrong. Goodnight" she said and jerked her arm out of his grip and continued walking through the crowd of people around them.

"Elizabeth!" he called after her exasperated, but she didn't stop.


	8. Advice Part II

Advice Part II

"Ok, what happened?" Julie asked on Sunday evening when she found Elizabeth sitting on the couch, staring into a book, but not really reading.

"Nothing" she said and concentrated on the letters in front of her, but it didn't work. She had taken a cab on Friday evening to get away from John and she had also avoided Julie since then.

"Did he hurt you?" Julie asked and Elizabeth's gaze snapped to her face.

"What? No, of course not" Elizabeth said. He hadn't hurt her, he'd just been too confident in his ability to wrap women around his little finger with his charm.

"Then what happened?" Julie asked again and sat down next to Elizabeth on the couch. She took the book out of her hands and put it on the table in front of them. She then looked at Elizabeth with a demanding look. Elizabeth had wanted to avoid that look.

"He...it...forget it, Julie" Elizabeth sighed and shook her head. She then picked up her book from the table. Julie grabbed it from her hands once more and buried it under a pillow behind her.

"Elizabeth, what the hell happened?" she asked angrily and Elizabeth sighed in defeat.

"He...he dragged me into the Ferris wheel" she said quietly and winced at how stupid it suddenly sounded. "He threw me over his shoulder and forced me in there although I shouted at him to let me go"

"And you are angry, because...?" Julie said with a questioning look. Elizabeth looked away from her.

"He had no right to do that. And he embarrassed me in front of all those people"

"That's it?"

"Yes"

"Ok, let's get this straight: you are angry at him, because he threw you over his shoulder and dragged you into a Ferris wheel?"

"Yes"

"Ok, you've completely lost it" Julie then said and shook her head. Elizabeth stared at her.

"No, I haven't" she protested, but Julie didn't want to hear it.

"Please, you can't tell me that this is the reason. Elizabeth, why are you angry at him? Because he wanted you to have some fun and made the move to take you into a Ferris wheel? Because he dared to sweep you off your feet? Because he dared what no other man had dared before?"

"No, he..." she started, but she found no words. She looked at Julie helplessly. She didn't know what to say. She was angry at him, because he had already wrapped her around his little finger. She just didn't want to give him the satisfaction to know it.

"Hell, I would faint in his arms when a guy like John Sheppard would just touch me, let alone drag me into a Ferris wheel. That's pretty romantic, don't you think?" she said, but Elizabeth didn't answer. Maybe it was romantic, but it hadn't felt romantic at all on Friday evening. "He likes you, Elizabeth. Otherwise he wouldn't have taken you out to a flight and to a fair. And judging from the way you're reacting to all this, you like him as well. I know for a fact that you like him" Julie then continued softly.

"But he had no right to do that" Elizabeth still protested. Julie sighed.

"Maybe not, but he had the courage to do it nevertheless. You're angry at him, because he already cracked your shell, right? You're angry, because you couldn't decide this time how much to reveal to him, because he had already gotten behind your façade on his own. You don't want to give him the satisfaction to know that he could crack you that easily" Elizabeth stared at her friend. Julie grinned. "I know you, Elizabeth. You have fallen in love with John Sheppard, but you don't want to admit it, because he's this charming and cocky flyboy. It's against your principles to like a man like him and you are angry, because you had no control over it" It took Elizabeth several minutes before she found her words again.

"I don't like to lose control" Elizabeth said grudgingly and Julie laughed.

"Nobody likes to lose control, Elizabeth, but sometimes it's just a side effect of falling in love. The trick is, you just have to accept it and wait where it takes you"

"Where did you read that?" Elizabeth asked and raised an eyebrow at her friend. Julie grinned.

"Didn't read that anywhere. I just know it" she said and tapped her finger against her temple. Elizabeth smiled for the first time in two days. She then leaned over and gave Julie a hug.

"You're the best friend I've ever had, you know that?"

"You too" she said and pulled away. "So, am I right?"

"Right about what?"

"Elizabeth!" Julie said and raised an eyebrow at her. Elizabeth sighed in defeat.

"Ok, say I have fallen in love with him, hypothetically of course, what am I supposed to do when I see him again? _I _wouldn't like being left alone on a fair"

"Just talk to him tomorrow. Throw yourself right into his arms when you see him. He'll forgive you. He can't be more stubborn than you are"


	9. Whereabouts

Whereabouts

**A/N: So, here's the next chapter. Thank you for all the kind reviews. Enjoy this chapter - or not.**

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John _was_ more stubborn than Elizabeth, that's what she thought on Monday afternoon when she still hadn't seen him. He hadn't shown up for breakfast and he hadn't helped her clearing the table. There had only been two place settings in the first place. 

She hadn't encountered him in the kitchen, the living room, the wine cellar, the library or the corridor that led to his room. She had practically looked for him everywhere without attracting too much attention. He hadn't even answered her knocking on his door and she doubted that he was at home at all.

She didn't want to ask Mia or Mr. Robbins where he was, because she couldn't think of a reason why she wanted to talk to him. They didn't know that she had spent her free time with John and she didn't want them to know it.

Elizabeth was getting frustrated by his absence and she realized that she must have hurt him pretty much. Julie had been right. She had been angry at him for getting past her façade that fast. She had just been too stubborn -again- to accept that fact.

When she called it a day, she decided not to drive home immediately. She couldn't ask Mia or Mr. Robbins where John was, but there was one person who would know it and whom she could ask. And maybe she would also find John there.

It was already dark when she pulled onto the parking lot of the airfield. She hoped that Evan Lorne was still there and that she would find John there, too. John had given her a short tour after their flight and she tried to remember where the office was located. It was a lot more difficult in the dark.

When she finally found the door she could make out light through the key hole. She took a deep breath and knocked two times. She heard a muffled 'Come in' and opened the door. She found Evan Lorne sitting at a desk, currently working on his notebook. When he looked up there was surprise written all over his face.

"Good evening. I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm not sure, if you remember me, but..."

"Elizabeth, of course I remember you" he said and leaned back in his chair. "Have a seat" he gestured to a chair in front of him. Elizabeth closed the door behind her and sat down. "What can I do for you?" he asked and Elizabeth could see his questioning look. She didn't know how to begin. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to come here at all.

"Well, I don't know how to put it. Do you have an idea where I might find John Sheppard?" she asked and looked at the man in front of her. He looked tired and there was confusion evident in his face. They sat in silence for a few moments before spoke.

"I'm a bit confused that you don't know it, I thought you two were..." he started, but broke off. "He's currently on a mission in Antarctica. He'll be back in about two weeks, if everything goes well" he then said. His words caught her off guard.

"He's gone?" she asked, not able to keep the shock out of her voice.

"Yes, his flight went this morning" he said and frowned at her.

"But why...?" she began and then she suddenly remembered. He had told her Friday evening that it would be his last weekend. She hadn't paid much attention to it, but now she knew what it meant.

"I thought he told you" Evan said and Elizabeth looked at him. He was surprised that she didn't know it.

"He didn't" she said. He was in Antarctica. That was why she couldn't find him all day. She hadn't looked at the end of the world. Elizabeth stood up again from her chair and gave the other man a small smile. "Thank you for telling me" she said and was about to go when he spoke.

"I don't want to pry and it's none of my business, but I'm surprised that he didn't tell you"

"Why should he tell me?" Elizabeth asked. He would have probably told her, if she hadn't left him standing on the fair. Evan leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. He looked as though he was considering how much to tell her.

"Well, he mentions you pretty often and judging by the way _how_ he talks about you, I thought you two are close" he said and Elizabeth stared at him. "I mean, I already got the impression when he brought you here. He never brought..." he trailed off, thinking.

"We are not...close" Elizabeth said and sat back down on the chair. "Actually, we don't know each other" she admitted and Evan raised an eyebrow at her. "I...I'm..." she started, but then stopped, not knowing what to say.

"You work for the UN, right?" he asked and she looked at him. "John told me" he added at her questioning look.

"Not currently. I..." she sighed. She decided that she could trust this man. "I'm currently working for Kelly and Richard Sheppard. I'm the new housemaid" she said and waited for a reaction, but Evan didn't say anything. "I needed a break from my job, because..."

"I know" he interrupted her, when she struggled for words.

"You know?" she asked, feeling suddenly angry at John for telling the other man. He must have realized her change in tone.

"Don't worry, he didn't tell me why you needed a break. He wouldn't do that. He just told me how you two met, that's all" he assured and Elizabeth's anger subsided. "So, you two are not..." he trailed off, giving her a questioning look.

"No" Elizabeth said and he leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression appearing on his face.

"Well, he's expected to come back on November 23rd" he said. Elizabeth nodded slightly and stood up again. "I'm going to fetch him from the airport. Care to join me?" he then offered.

"No, it's ok. Thank you" she said and went over to the door. "And sorry again for disturbing you"

"Don't worry about it" he said and Elizabeth gave him a final nod before she disappeared into the darkness outside.

"Elizabeth, can I speak to you for a minute, please?" Mr. Robbins asked her one week later when he met her in the wine cellar. Josh had asked her to get a bottle of port.

"Of course, what can I do for you?" she asked and looked through the dusty shelves.

"Richard Sheppard is giving a small party on the 23rd and I wondered, if it is possible that you could stay longer that day. Mia is capable of doing it on her own, but I would like to have you around to keep an eye on her and help her out in case there's a problem" he said and Elizabeth pulled a bottle from the shelves.

"I can do that" she said and wiped the dust from the label. It was the wrong bottle.

"Thank you. The Sheppards will be out for breakfast that morning and I don't think that it is necessary for you to come already in the morning. I'm awaiting you at 1 pm" he said. Elizabeth put the wrong bottle back in its place and took a few steps to her right.

"Ok, 1 pm. I'll be there" she said distracted and took the next one. It was wrong again.

"Are you alright, Elizabeth?" Mr. Robbins asked and she looked at him.

"Yes, I'm fine, it's just that I can't find the right bottle" she said and looked back at the shelves. "Josh asked me to get a bottle of port for starters, I think it's Foie gras"

"It's on the other side" Mr. Robbins said and pulled a dusty bottle from the shelf opposite of her. He handed her the bottle and Elizabeth wiped the label clean.

"That's it. Thank you"

"I never had the opportunity to ask you how you like it here" he said and Elizabeth looked at him. They hadn't seen each other much since she was working there.

"It's nice here. I think I got used to being here" she said and it was true. She really got used to doing the household.

"That's good to hear" he smiled and held out his arm to indicate to her to go first.

"Thank you" she smiled and made her way upstairs. "The 23rd, 1 pm, right?" she asked and Mr. Robbins nodded.

"Yes. The party will start at 7 pm and you just have to help Mia serve the drinks and arrange the buffet in the dining room. That's all"

"Ok, I can do that"


	10. Questions

Questions

**A/N: Ok, I'm in a giving mood again. Here are the next two chapters. I hope you enjoy**

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"Elizabeth, can I speak to you for a minute, please?" Mr. Robbins asked her one week later when he met her in the wine cellar. Josh had asked her to get a bottle of port.

"Of course, what can I do for you?" she asked and looked through the dusty shelves.

"Richard Sheppard is giving a small party next Saturday and I wondered if it is possible that you could stay longer that day. Mia is capable of doing it on her own, but I would like to have you around to keep an eye on her and help her out in case there's a problem" he said and Elizabeth pulled a bottle from the shelves.

"I can do that" she said and wiped the dust from the label. It was the wrong bottle.

"Thank you. The Sheppards will be out for breakfast that morning and I don't think that it is necessary for you to come already in the morning. I'm awaiting you at 1 pm" he said. Elizabeth put the wrong bottle back in its place and took a few steps to her right.

"Ok, 1 pm. I'll be there" she said distracted and took the next one. It was wrong again. She wished Josh had given her a more precise description of where to find the bottle of port he wanted to have. Downstairs on the right wasn't very helpful.

"Are you alright, Elizabeth?" Mr. Robbins asked and she looked at him.

"Yes, I'm fine, it's just that I can't find the right bottle" she said and looked back at the shelves. "Josh asked me to get a bottle of port for starters, I think it's Foie gras"

"It's on the other side" Mr. Robbins said and pulled a dusty bottle from the shelf opposite of her. He handed her the bottle and Elizabeth wiped the label clean.

"That's it. Thank you"

"You're welcome. I never had the opportunity to ask you how you like it here" he said and Elizabeth looked at him. They hadn't seen each other much since she was working there. She thought for a few moments before she answered.

"It's nice here. I think I got used to being here" she said and it was true. She really got used to doing the household.

"That's good to hear" he smiled and held out his arm to indicate to her to go first.

"Thank you" she smiled and made her way upstairs. "Saturday, 1 pm, right?" she asked and Mr. Robbins nodded.

"Yes. The party will start at 7 pm and you just have to help Mia serve the drinks and arrange the buffet in the dining room. That's all"

"As long as I don't have to get the wine I'm sure I can do that"


	11. The Room Upstairs

The Room Upstairs

**A/N: This chapter is rated M so be aware of certain adult situations.**

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"It's one of those boring parties, you know? Dozens of old men with their wives talking about important things. It's really boring" Mia said to Elizabeth on the evening of the party. Elizabeth had to smile. She had to think of the parties she had attended for the UN. Those parties were boring as hell.

"Well, you don't have to participate in it, you just have to set up the buffet and serve the drinks. Then you can disappear and gossip about various things you've seen there" Elizabeth smiled and closed the buttons of her clean blouse. They were wearing red blouses and the usual black skirts tonight. Elizabeth decided to let her hair down this evening.

"I don't gossip" the other woman protested and Elizabeth laughed. "Wait until you see those old people in their suits and dresses and you'll understand what I mean" she said and closed her locker. Elizabeth shook her head in amusement at the younger woman.

"I can't wait to see them, Mia" she said and closed her own locker.

Friday had come in a rush and Elizabeth silently wished that the evening would be over soon. She wanted to get home and just curl up in bed. It had been one hell of a week for her. She hadn't seen Julie all week and now she was somewhere in Boston to work. She wouldn't be home all weekend. Her father had called her Wednesday evening to tell her that her mother was in the hospital with a broken leg. She'd had that 'little accident' on their skiing holiday. Elizabeth knew that her mother was fine, but it worried her nevertheless.

She had come late to work Thursday morning, because the drain in the kitchen had apparently decided to refuse draining the water and she'd had to wait for the plumber all morning since Julie had already been on her way to Boston. Elizabeth really wished that the week would be over soon. She needed to relax.

The party at the Sheppards' was just like Elizabeth had imagined it to be. She had been on such parties dozens of times and for once in her life she was glad that she didn't have to participate in it. She was on the other side now and it was great to disappear from all the boring small talk when her work was done.

It was already late and a lot of the guests had already gone when Elizabeth decided to look if everything was ok while Mia was engrossed in a fight with Josh about who wore the ugliest dress that evening. She took a tray with glasses of champagne and made her way into the big living room where the party was held.

She went through the crowd to hand out the glasses of champagne when her gaze fell upon a face. It was a miracle that she didn't let the tray fall down. John was standing in a far corner of the room, looking at her. He was wearing a black suit with a white button down shirt underneath. He wore no tie compared to the other men.

Elizabeth feverishly thought about what he was doing there when she remembered what day it was. Evan had told her that he would come back on November 23rd and today was the 23rd. She had completely forgotten it. She hadn't thought about John once the past few days, being occupied with hundreds of other things. She tore her eyes away from him and continued her way through the crowd.

He was back. The first week she had tried to stop thinking about him and the second week she had completely forgotten about him and now he was back. She caught a few glimpses of him while she waited for the guests to take a glass from the tray. He was apparently following her with his eyes. Elizabeth felt a shiver run down her spine at his look. She couldn't decipher it and she had to force herself to keep going.

Why was she feeling nervous all of a sudden? He had to be angry at her for leaving him alone on the fair, but his look showed something different. She could see him leave the corner and disappear through the door that led to the stairs to the first floor.

Elizabeth went back into the kitchen and put the tray with now empty glasses on a table. Mia and Josh were still arguing.

"I'll be outside for a few moments, ok?" she said to Mia, but the other woman didn't really listen. Elizabeth stole herself back into the living room, careful not to attract too much attention when she slipped through the door John had disappeared behind. What the hell was she doing? She was supposed to be in the kitchen and make new drinks and not to sneak around the house in search of John.

She went upstairs and landed in the corridor to his room. He was nowhere in sight. It had looked like an invitation when he had disappeared through that door. Elizabeth mentally slapped herself for going after him. She knew she shouldn't do that, but she needed to apologize to him.

She found the door to his room open, inviting her to enter, but she hesitated. There were dozens of people downstairs who needed her attention and she was sneaking around the house somewhere. She stepped inside the room, but she didn't see him. Her heart was racing and she was about to do something incredibly stupid, but she closed the door behind her nevertheless.

John emerged from the bathroom seconds later, not wearing his jacket anymore. She could see it lying in the couch. He was giving her the same look he had given her in the living room and Elizabeth had suddenly difficulties to breathe. This wasn't about apologizing, he had never been mad at her. His look meant something different and she now knew what it was.

It took him a total of three long strides before he was standing in front of her. Elizabeth raised her head to look at him. He lifted his right hand to trail his index finger along her temple and down her cheek to her chin. He tilted her head upwards before he lowered his lips to hers.

The kiss was hesitant and light against her lips. She knew that he was asking for allowance. He pulled back again and looked at her, waiting for her to scream at him and run away, but she didn't. She clutched the front of his shirt instead and pulled him down for a second kiss.

The kiss melted into a third and then a fourth and Elizabeth pressed herself against his body to feel his warmth. It really was incredibly stupid of her to kiss him, but his lips on hers felt too good and too familiar to pull away.

John pressed her against him with one hand in the small of her back and the other one in her neck, keeping her head in place. Elizabeth moaned slightly into his mouth when she allowed his tongue to slip in. It was just too much and she pulled away from him, panting heavily.

"I can't...we can't..." she was able to breathe before he captured her lips once more with his. She could feel her resistance melt away at the taste of him. All coherent thoughts leaving her brain, she tugged his shirt out of his pants and fumbled for the buttons to undo them with slightly shaking hands. He pushed her backwards until she hit something hard. Before she could react he broke the kiss and lifted her up onto the desk. She slipped out of her shoes and let them drop onto the floor.

He was resting his forehead against hers and breathing heavily into her face. Without leaving her eyes with his he shrugged out of his open shirt and let it drop to the ground. She held his intense gaze and started to unbutton her blouse. He helped her tugging it out of her skirt and shoved it down her shoulders before he attacked her lips once more with his.

Elizabeth moaned when he left her mouth and travelled kisses along her throat, pausing at her carotid artery. He licked over the pulsing spot and she shivered slightly. She hooked her fingers behind his waistband and tugged at his pants. He looked up at her and smiled. John took a step back and she hopped off the desk, opening the zipper of her skirt and shoving it down.

John left her no time before he kissed her once more, this time more slowly and passionate. He cradled her head in his hands and Elizabeth let herself drown in the feel of him. Before she would lose all the control she had, she pushed him towards the bed. She fumbled with his belt and opened his pants in the process. She was able to shove his pants down just before he dropped onto the mattress, pulling her with him.

She laughed into his neck when she landed on top of him, knocking the wind out of him. He immediately rolled them both around so that he was lying on top of her. His face was hovering inches away from hers and he was watching her. He then dropped his head and kissed her softly. It was a slow kiss at first that grew deeper and more intense by the minute.

He pulled away from her mouth and travelled down her neck. Elizabeth tilted her head to give him better access, but he didn't stay there long. He kissed further downwards and captured a cloth covered nipple with his mouth. Elizabeth moaned and arched into his touch, unable to stop herself.

John looked up at her and gave her a curious look. He then dropped his head and captured the other peak between his lips. Elizabeth involuntarily arched her back again and this time she could feel him grin. His hands vanished beneath her and the next moment the clasp of her bra was open.

He shoved the straps of her bra down her shoulders and Elizabeth fought a moan at his deliberate slowness. He must have seen it in her face, because he abandoned his slow torture and pulled the dispensable piece of clothing from her body at once. His movements stilled and he was looking down at her. Elizabeth was about to cover her chest with her arms at his intense gaze, but he held her back.

"Don't" he said quietly. His voice was hoarse and Elizabeth realized that they hadn't spoken a word in over two weeks. She relaxed under him and he smiled before he kissed her again. She then gasped into his mouth when he ran a thumb over her nipple. It hardened immediately under his touch.

She couldn't remember that she had ever reacted to a man's touch like she did to John's. She couldn't explain it, but her body suddenly had its own will. John moved his head lower and encircled one of her soft peaks with his tongue. Elizabeth clutched the sheet and kept herself from arching into his touch. He then covered it softly with his lips and sucked gently at it.

Elizabeth buried her hands in his messy hair and arched her back. She could feel his hand slide down her side and move across her stomach until he reached the waistband of her panties. He pulled his mouth from her breast and looked up at her. She was trying desperately to catch her breath. She looked into his mesmerizing green eyes and then her own eyes rolled into the back of her head when he slipped his hand between her legs.

He was stroking her slowly, his mouth giving her other nipple the attention the first one had gotten before. He brushed her clit with his thumb ever so slightly and Elizabeth realized that it really had been a stupid idea to come into his room. It was just crazy what they were doing. Panting heavily, she moved her hips in an erratic rhythm against his hand. The feeling he gave her became almost unbearable.

His mouth came back to hers just in time to swallow the loud moan that escaped her when she came, writhing under his body. Elizabeth kissed him deeply while coming down from her orgasm. John pulled away and kneeled down at the end of the bed. He then hooked his fingers behind the sides of her panties and stripped them off altogether.

Elizabeth laughed when she saw him struggle out of his boxers. He gave her a lopsided grin and positioned himself between her legs, but before he could do anything else she pushed him to the side and he rolled onto his back. He was about to complain when she closed her hand around his erection and he froze completely.

She started to stroke him slowly and John's head dropped back into the pillow. Elizabeth leaned forward to trail kissed along his jaw while her hand ran up and down his length. He had his eyes closed in concentration and after a few more moments Elizabeth could feel a hand on her wrist. He wanted her to stop and she withdrew her hand. He moaned at the loss of her touch, but his expression relaxed a bit.

Elizabeth leaned in and kissed him, cupping the side of his face with her hand. She then climbed on top of him and he groaned.

"You're killing me" he said out of breath.

"I don't think so" she answered and put her hands on his chest. She then shifted a bit so that she could sink down onto him. Her eyes slipped shut of the feel of him inside of her and it took a while before she could adjust to the feeling. It had been a while for her.

"You ok?" John asked and she could see that he was struggling to control himself. She nodded and began to move slowly. She elicited a moan from him and bent down to capture his lips in a kiss. He put his hands on either side of her face and pressed her against his mouth.

It didn't take long before Elizabeth had to speed up her movements. John was matching her rhythm with his thrusting hips. His hands travelled down to her hips and he leaned upwards to capture her nipple with his mouth. Elizabeth panted into his neck and pressed herself against his body.

His hips were thrusting upwards and Elizabeth could feel a new orgasm rising in her. She began clenching her muscles around him. John's hands on her hips pressed her further down onto him and she buried her face in his neck when she came hard. It took a few more thrusts before she could feel John's body shudder with his own release.

He collapsed onto his back, pulling her with him again. They were both breathing heavily. Elizabeth lifted her head from his neck and watched his face. It was covered in sweat and she knew that she looked the same. He opened his eyes and looked at her for a few moments before he kissed her tenderly. It was a lazy kiss, but Elizabeth had to pull away to catch her breath nevertheless.

She stayed on top of him for a few more minutes before she remembered that Mia was probably already looking for her. She didn't know how long she had been gone, but it felt like hours. She sighed and climbed off John, not wanting to leave him. She wanted to stay with him, but she couldn't. She had to work. He caught her wrist with his hand.

"Stay" he said quietly and she turned around to him.

"I can't. There are people downstairs and I'm supposed to work. And this..." she gestured helplessly at the bed and went looking for her panties. She found them at the end of his bed.

"This was 'wow' and I think Mia is fine without you" he said and gave her a puppy dog look that made her stop in her movements. She climbed back onto the bed towards him.

"This was crazy and I promised Mr. Robbins to keep an eye on Mia and she has no idea where I am. I have to go" she said and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. She then grabbed her bra and put it back on. She could see him stand up and look for his boxers while she slipped back into her skirt and blouse.

"I'm sorry" he suddenly said and she whirled around.

"What?" she asked confused. He closed his belt and looked back up at her.

"For dragging you into the Ferris wheel. I shouldn't have done that. I realized that I had no right to do it. Sorry" he said and Elizabeth looked at him. She then walked over to him and kissed him.

"No, I need to apologize for my behavior. I..." but he cut her off with another kiss. Elizabeth pulled away grudgingly. "I have to go" she then whispered and he placed a stray curl behind her ear.

"Promise me to come back when you're finished then" he said.

"John, I can't do that. I need to go home. I can't stay here. I mean this is crazy, what we just did is crazy. I can't...what if someone sees me?"

"What do I have to do to convince you?" he asked. Elizabeth sighed and ran a hand over

his still bare chest.

"I can't stay here" she said again and he nodded.

"I see. Go back to work before I change my mind and lock you in here" he grinned and gave her a quick kiss.

"How's my hair looking?" she suddenly asked. She couldn't go downstairs when everyone could see what she had just done. John twirled a curl in his fingers.

"Your hair looks beautiful. I like it when you wear it down"

"John" she said and raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed.

"The bathroom is over there" he pointed to the door over his shoulder. "You can take a look yourself" Elizabeth disappeared in his bathroom and watched herself in the mirror. She flattened her hair a bit and closed her eyes. She had just slept with John. She was crazy. She had just followed a man she barely knew and had slept with him. A smile crept to her lips.

"Everything ok?" she heard him ask and the mirror showed his form leaning in the doorway with his shirt back on. She smiled at him. A thought had just crossed her mind.

"I can't stay here, but you could accompany me home" she said and turned around to face him. "Julie is in Boston for a photo shoot and tomorrow is Saturday which means that you and I don't have to work" she explained. What the hell was she doing? His face lit up at her suggestion.

"Sounds like a plan" he grinned. "I'll be downstairs waiting for you" She walked over to him and couldn't resist kissing him again. They should really stop doing that. "Go" he whispered when they pulled apart and Elizabeth took the chance before she could change her mind.

"There you are!" Mia exclaimed when Elizabeth sneaked back into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry" Elizabeth said. She had stayed away too long.

"No, it's ok, I was just looking for you to tell you that you can go home" Mia said. She obviously hadn't realized that Elizabeth had been away.

"What about the party?" Elizabeth asked confused. She had left the house through the main entrance and sneaked back in through the side entrance.

"Ok, now I'm curious. Where have you been? The party is long over. The last guests left over half an hour ago" Mia said and raised an eyebrow at her.

"I was...outside. Getting some fresh air"

"For almost two hours?" Ok, Mia had realized that she had been away.

"Two hours? I'm sorry, I totally lost track of time" Elizabeth said. It was true. She had lost track of everything in those two hours. Mia eyed her skeptically. "Sorry, Mia. I promised your father to help you" Elizabeth said and kicked herself mentally for going after John.

"It's ok. Josh helped me to clear the dining room. You can go home now, but you have to participate in our second round of gossiping on Monday" Mia said and winked. Elizabeth smiled gratefully at the young woman. It was a punishment she could live with.


	12. Beds, Best Friends & Parks

Beds, Best Friends and Parks

**A/N: Here's a new chapter. Sorry for the long wait. I hope you enjoy it!**

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Elizabeth woke to the smell of coffee. She turned around in bed and pulled the blanket over her head. She didn't want to get up, not yet. She felt like she had just gone to sleep. She could feel the mattress dip down next to her. Someone was tugging at the blanket.

"I'm cold" a voice complained. Elizabeth grudgingly loosened the grip of the blanket and the next moment a body climbed under it.

"You're ice-cold" she mumbled against the pillow.

"And you're not a morning person" John said and buried his face in her neck. He slipped his hands around her waist from behind and drew lazy circles on her stomach. Elizabeth shivered at his cold touch.

"I just got into bed"

"Really?" he asked and she could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Maybe it was a mistake to let you stay here" she mumbled and he laughed. He kissed her shoulder blade.

"Don't say that. I made you coffee"

"I don't need coffee in the middle of the night" she grumbled. She wasn't a morning person, especially when she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before.

"It's already noon, 'Lizabeth" John mumbled against her shoulder.

"No, it's not. It can't be later than 7"

"It's 12.15" Elizabeth turned around so that she could look at him. "Hey" he said and pressed a light kiss on her lips.

"It's 12.15?"

"It was when I left the kitchen"

"What day is it?" she asked and he frowned at her. "I need to know which day it is, because, if it is Sunday and it's past 12.15 it means that Julie will be home any minute now. If it is Saturday and it's past 12.15, I can go back to sleep. So, what day is it?"

"Sunday" he said simultaneously with the shutting front door. Elizabeth groaned and closed her eyes. It was too late. She pulled the blanket back over her head and waited for Julie to find them. John in the meantime concentrated on her neck again. He trailed soft kisses along the curve of her neck to her shoulder and back again.

"Elizabeth? Is it safe for me to come upstairs?" Julie called a few moments later.

"No" she called back before John silenced her with a kiss. He had accompanied her home Friday night and they hadn't left the bed since. She knew that their clothes were still leaving a trail from the front door to her bedroom.

"Are you with John?" Julie asked then from downstairs.

"Yes" Elizabeth answered breathlessly when John left her mouth and licked along her throat.

"Are you busy?" Elizabeth could hear the suppressed laughter in Julie's voice.

"Kind of" she called back and John grinned against her throat. He then captured her mouth once more in a passionate kiss. Elizabeth surrendered and enjoyed the taste and feel of him. She had done nothing else the past two days, but it still thrilled her every time.

"Ok, I'll come back later" Julie said. John pulled away from the kiss and looked at Elizabeth. He grinned and shook his head slightly.

"No, it's ok. Give us a minute" Elizabeth answered and pressed a final kiss on John's lips before she wriggled out of bed. She rummaged through her closet and pulled on a worn t-shirt. She then looked at John in his boxers. She grinned. "I think your..."

"I think John's clothes are still down here" Julie called from downstairs and Elizabeth laughed. He came over to her and threw her over his shoulder like he had done before. She yelped in surprise this time and laughed when he carried her down the stairs.

They found Julie in the kitchen and John sat her down carefully on the counter before he went looking for his clothes. Julie looked expectantly at Elizabeth, but she just grinned. She then grabbed herself a mug from the cupboard next to her head and poured herself some coffee. Julie didn't give up.

"So...you and him, here, all weekend?" she asked and poured herself a cup of the hot liquid too. Elizabeth took a sip and watched her over the rim of her steaming mug, but didn't say anything. Julie groaned. "I can't believe it! I'm out of town for a few days and you finally take the chance to throw yourself right into his arms. I should leave you alone more often, I guess" John re-appeared in the kitchen with his pants back on and his shirt hanging over his shoulder.

"See? You like my coffee" he grinned when he spotted Elizabeth with the mug.

"Very much" Elizabeth said.

"You should stay here more often. Your coffee is pretty good" Julie said.

"Well, I have my talents" he said and Elizabeth choked on her coffee before she gave him a wicked grin. Oh yes, he definitely had his talents. Julie groaned again.

"Ok guys, you know what? This is disgusting. I'll be in the living room so you can go on and make out" she said and rushed out of the kitchen. Elizabeth looked after her and grinned. John came over to her to the counter and came to stand between her legs. His hands were resting on her bare thighs and this innocent touch alone let her nerves tingle.

"She's pouting, because I didn't tell her anything" she said and brushed her lips over the soft skin right under his left eye. Her lips ghosted further down over his cheek. "She's my best friend and she wants to know the details" she said between kisses. John's hands slid up under her shirt and came to rest on her hips.

"How about" he kissed her on the lips "I hop in the shower" another kiss "and you give her the details" a third kiss. Elizabeth was addicted to him.

"How about I take a shower with you instead?" she suggested and his hands on her hips twitched for a second. He captured her lips in a deep kiss and Elizabeth took it as a 'yes' when he pulled away again. She pouted at him. John groaned and she smiled sheepishly.

"You're messing with the last bit of self-control I have left" he said and kissed her again. It was a hungry kiss and Elizabeth had to break away to catch some air.

"Ok, I'll talk to her and we take the shower some other time"

"You're evil. I'll need a pretty cold shower now" he said and gave her a quick peck on her lips before he lifted her off the counter.

"You like evil, remember?" she grinned at him seductively and padded out of the kitchen.

"I love evil" she heard him shout when he went upstairs.

Elizabeth found Julie sitting on the couch in the living room, apparently waiting for her, judging by the expectant look on her face. Elizabeth sat down next to her, hugging her knees to her chest and pulling the oversized t-shirt over them.

"Yes, me and him, here, all weekend"

"And?" Julie asked.

"And what?"

"Elizabeth!" she groaned. "Work with me here. You two are totally addicted to each other. Have you seen how he looks at you?! I want all the dirty details" she exclaimed and Elizabeth laughed. Her curiosity had always been Julie's biggest flaw.

Elizabeth finished telling what she dared to tell her friend when John came back downstairs, fully clothed again and his hair a wet mess. Elizabeth instantly regretted not taking a shower with him at the sight in front of her. She had to fight the urge to kiss him again. Her hormones were totally betraying her.

"How about I take you ladies out for" he looked at his watch "lunch?" he finished. "Not that I don't like spending the whole weekend in bed with you" he said to Elizabeth. "I mean what you said in the kitchen..." he trailed off. "The point is, I'm kind of hungry" he then said and scratched the back of his head.

"I can still eat in the kitchen, right?" Julie asked shocked and Elizabeth broke out into laughter.

"She didn't get much sleep lately" John explained.

"I figured that much" Julie said and raised an eyebrow at Elizabeth. She stopped laughing and wiped away the tears. "You two go out for lunch, I'm fine. I grabbed something at the airport" she then added.

"You're sure?" Elizabeth asked and Julie nodded.

"Pretty sure. Now, get dressed while I keep John company" Elizabeth hopped off the couch and managed to get past John without touching him. Maybe going out for lunch was a good idea. Her hormones definitely needed a break.

It was pretty mild for the end of November and they decided to take a walk in a nearby park when they finished their lunch. Elizabeth wasn't sure where to keep her hands. She desperately wanted to take his hand or link arms with him, but she didn't know if he wanted it too. They had spent a beautiful weekend together, but she wasn't sure what it meant.

She bravely put her arm around his waist and her doubts were dispelled when he put his arm around her shoulder and pressed her against his side to kiss her hair. She rested her head against his shoulder while they walked between the leafless trees.

"How did Julie know that it was me?" he suddenly asked.

"What?" she asked confused, not knowing what he meant.

"When she came back, she asked if you were with me. How did she know?" he asked again and Elizabeth bit her lip.

"I don't know" she said and he looked at her. She couldn't tell him that she was in love with him and that Julie had guessed right after giving her the advice to jump right into his arms on the next occasion. "Maybe she recognized your jacket. We left a pretty visible trail of clothes behind"

"Maybe" he said thoughtfully and his gaze wandered back ahead. He didn't quite believe her, so much she could tell. He then stopped walking and kissed her.

"What was that for?" she asked slightly out of breath when they pulled apart. He shrugged.

"I like kissing you" he simply said and was about to start walking again when she grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him down for another kiss. So much for the plan to give her hormones a break. "I could get used to this" he said when he pulled away and kissed his way down her throat. Elizabeth had to stop herself from melting in his arms.

"Me too...oh god" she moaned when he licked a spot underneath her left ear. He chuckled softly and grazed her earlobe with his teeth. "We have to stop this" she murmured halfheartedly.

"Why?" he breathed against her skin. His mouth travelled back to hers and swallowed her answer. Elizabeth clutched the front of his jacket to steady her wobbling knees. Both his hands were pressing against the small of her back to keep her close to his body. Elizabeth could swear that he would be the death of her. When their kiss came to an end he rested his forehead against hers. "Why?" he asked again.

"We're in a park. There are people around"

"Don't like viewers?" he asked and gave her a mischievous grin. Elizabeth pulled her forehead away from his and looked at him.

"Never tried"

"Well, there's always a first time" he winked at her. Elizabeth's heart missed a beat at his words and she scanned the area. He laughed and took her hand in his. "Don't worry. I'm not that keen on viewers either, that is unless you want to" he said and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. Sleeping with him? Absolutely. Viewers? Absolutely not.

"Not here" she said and brushed her lips over his before she tugged him along, back in the direction of her car.


	13. Old Acquaintances and Revelations

Old Acquaintances and Revelations

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter. Now it's all getting rather dramatic**

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Being with John was always breathtaking, but also frustrating for Elizabeth. She had him on the weekends, but she didn't see him weekdays as much as she would have liked. She was busy with her work and he was busy with his. She wasn't complaining though. Whenever he was around he sneaked after her and stole kisses from her when no one was looking.

John didn't care if someone saw them, but she didn't want that. She didn't want Mr. Robbins or Mia to see her making out with John Sheppard who they considered their boss.

Elizabeth stood in her living room and looked out of the window. A soft blanket of white was covering the ground and heavy snow flakes were falling down. It was mid January and she had missed the snow for Christmas.

John had spent New Year's Eve with Julie and her and he had probably made Elizabeth the happiest person in the world at exactly midnight when he had kissed her and had whispered in her ear that he'd fallen in love with her. They had disappeared into her room just moments after that and Julie had complained the next morning for leaving her alone. She then had squealed in delight when Elizabeth had told her the reason for their disappearance.

"There was a call for you in the morning" Julie said and joined her at the window, handing her a cup of tea. Elizabeth looked at her hopefully. It was Saturday afternoon and she longed to speak to John. She hadn't seen him all week and unfortunately he was busy meeting his investor.

"It was Michael Henderson. He said he is going to call you back this evening" Julie said and Elizabeth's face fell. Apparently the UN hadn't given up on her. Michael had been her boss while she had worked for them.

"Did he say what he wanted?" Elizabeth asked and took a sip from her cup.

"No, he just asked if he could speak to you. They want you back" Julie concluded and Elizabeth nodded slowly. Michael had told her after she'd told him that she wanted to take a break that he would check on her. Now he had. "Do you want to go back?" Julie asked and Elizabeth thought about it for a few moments. She liked to work for the Sheppard's, but she also started missing her old job.

"I don't know" she said. Going back to the UN meant not seeing John anymore, maybe not even at the weekends.

"What are you going to say?" Julie asked and Elizabeth sighed.

"I have no idea. I like being here, coming home every evening and sleeping in my own bed. You know how rarely I've been home then" she said. Julie nodded.

"Maybe he just wants to check on you" she said half-heartedly.

"Yeah, maybe"

Michael had called back on Saturday evening and had in fact wanted to know how she was doing - along with offering her to come back to her old job. Elizabeth had expected it and had told him that she would think about it. She wanted to talk to Julie and John first.

It was Monday and almost lunchtime when Elizabeth came back into the kitchen to get the porcelain for lunch.

"We need three place settings" Mia said and rummaged through one of the drawers to get the silverware. Elizabeth frowned at her.

"Is the young Mr. Sheppard home today?" she asked. She knew for a fact that John was on the airfield to get to know his new winter course. Mia shook her head.

"No, Caroline Sheppard is back" she said.

"They have a daughter?" Elizabeth asked surprised.

"Kind of. Daughter-in-law"

"But they don't..." have another son, she finished silently. John was their only child. Elizabeth put the plates down carefully, because her hands were shaking.

"She's John Sheppard's wife. She was in Vienna the previous 5 months. Apparently she's back. Mrs. Sheppard just told me that they would have lunch together" Mia said. Elizabeth stared at the younger woman. Did she just say that John was married? She clutched the edge of the table to steady herself.

"He's married?" Elizabeth asked in a hollow voice she barely recognized as her own. Images of New Year's Eve flooded her mind. Images of her and John dancing and kissing and John telling her that he had fallen in love with her. It had all been a lie.

"You didn't know? They are married for 4 years now. Dad told me that it was a beautiful wedding. It was held in the backyard" Elizabeth felt a big emptiness invade her body. It had happened again. "Elizabeth, are you ok?" she heard Mia ask and felt a hand on her shoulder. Elizabeth blinked several times to focus on the concerned face in front of her. A switch in her head suddenly turned. She straightened her back and concentrated on Mia.

"I'm fine. Just felt a bit dizzy" she said in a voice that was her own again.

"You're sure about that?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry" she said and let go of the table to prove her point.

"Ok" Mia said, not really sounding convinced. Elizabeth smiled at her reassuringly and went over to the drawer to extract the rest of the silverware.

"Mia, I'm fine" she said again when she noticed the other woman still looking at her. She then put the plates and the silverware on a tray and carried it into the dining room.


	14. Run and Hide

Run and Hide

Julie always said that it wasn't healthy to hide your feelings, because with hiding them you deny who you really are. Julie had always hated it when Elizabeth had put on her negotiating mask. Elizabeth had tried to explain to her that it was necessary to hide your feelings during negotiations to avoid showing any signs of weakness.

Elizabeth had adopted this behavior until Julie had told her that there were no negotiations at their home. She had slowly begun to let her mask crumble when she was around Julie, but she had never given it up completely. It was a too precious gift. And now it controlled her again.

She didn't even bat an eye when she saw Caroline Sheppard in the dining room, laughing with John's parents. She didn't flinch when Caroline smiled at her and said that it was nice to meet her. She didn't show any emotions when John came back in the afternoon and encircled her from behind to drop a kiss into her neck. She let him kiss her and hug her, but she didn't care.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked confused when she didn't react the way he was used to.

"Nothing"

"And with 'nothing' you mean...?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Would you please let go of me?" she asked politely and he eyed her in confusion before he let her go. She took a step backwards to bring distance between them.

"Elizabeth, what happened?" he asked, now openly worried.

"I'm going to accept a job offer from the UN"

"That's great" he said, smiling.

"It's in New York" she added and his face fell.

"That's not so great"

"I don't think it's any of your business anymore" she said. It came out harsher than she had intended.

"Ok, Elizabeth, what is going on here?" he demanded.

"I think your wife is waiting for you upstairs" she said and she couldn't help feeling a sudden stabbing pain in her heart at her own words. John was obviously shocked. He stared at her, his mouth slightly open at a loss for words. And then he found them again.

"Elizabeth, no. You don't..."

"Are you married?" she cut him off. He didn't say anything. "It's a simple question, John" she said. She was beginning to lose control of her shut away feelings. He looked at her with a pained expression.

"Yes" he breathed. "But..."

"She's waiting upstairs" Elizabeth turned around to leave.

"No" he said loudly and grabbed her elbow. Elizabeth looked at him. Her eyes were suddenly burning with unshed tears.

"John, please let me go" she said quietly. She didn't want to cry in front of him. Not again. She wouldn't cry at all. "Please" she said again. John swallowed hard.

"Elizabeth..." he said hoarsely, but she shook her head. He let go of her elbow slowly. "Let me explain..." he started, but she cut him off again.

"No" She didn't want to hear explanations and excuses. She had to do this her way. She had done it this way before and it had worked. It'll also work this time. "I won't be here tomorrow, so I guess this is it" she said. She stepped closer to him and gave him a last kiss on the cheek and she had to pull away when the urge to cry overwhelmed her.

She wouldn't let her tears fall. She hadn't done it the last time. She had accepted it and she would also accept it this time.

"Elizabeth..." he tried again, but she turned around and left.

She had called Michael as soon as she had come home in the evening. He had been glad that she had decided to come back. Things were going upside down since she had left, he had assured her. Elizabeth wanted to start working again as soon as possible and Michael had told her that he would like her back on Wednesday. That left her one day to get ready. Julie caught her packing when she came home later that evening.

"You accepted?" Julie asked and Elizabeth found her leaning against the door frame of her room. The pose reminded her of John.

"Yes, I did" she said and went looking for her brown blazer.

"That's some news" Julie commented.

"Yup"

"What did John say?" she asked and Elizabeth froze.

"He accepted it" she said in a hollow voice and continued rummaging through her closet. The blazer had to be somewhere.

"He accepted it?"

"Yes"

"Elizabeth, would you stop packing for a second and look at me?"

"Why?" she sighed.

"Just do it" Elizabeth abandoned her closet and turned around to look at Julie. "What happened?"Julie asked.

"Nothing"

"No. Try again" Elizabeth turned back to her closet to hide her shiny eyes from Julie. She took a deep breath to steady her voice.

"John is married. His wife just came back" she said and pulled out a drawer of her closet, having forgotten about the brown blazer. Julie didn't say anything to this and was silent for a few moments.

"Ok, I'm just going to say this once, so please listen. When Simon left you and you decided to just ignore it and go on living, I accepted it. He wasn't the right man for you, I have told you that more than once. I accepted your decision to shut everything out and run away, but I won't accept it now. You're making a mistake. I don't know John very well, but I do know that he's in love with you, he may even love you. Even a blind man can see that. You're making a mistake when you leave now, just because you discovered an inconvenient truth about him. I knew for a fact that Simon wasn't right for you just like I know that John is. You can't ignore it this time and shutting it out won't help you either, no matter how far you run away"

"He's married" Elizabeth said stubbornly, putting a pair of socks into the bag on her bed.

"It took me years to get behind that façade you've built up over time and it took him only a few days"

"So what?" Elizabeth asked. She wanted Julie to go away. She wouldn't be able to hold her tears back any longer.

"Just go and talk to him, Elizabeth. I'm sure he can explain it. You just have to give him the chance to do it. Let him get behind your façade, because I'm not able to do it anymore" she said sadly and left the room. Elizabeth took a deep breath to calm herself and sat down on her bed.

She pressed her eyes shut to keep away the burning sensation of her tears. Julie didn't understand what it felt like. She was her friend, yes, but right now she had no idea how miserable she felt. Julie was right, she had run away after Simon had told her that he'd met someone else and it was the same with John. Elizabeth would run away again. She knew that losing John was the worst thing that could happen to her, but she also knew that she would never stay.


	15. Reminders

Reminders

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! The next chapter is up. Enjoy**

* * *

"_You're coming next Saturday, right?_" Julie asked over the telephone.

"I hope so" Elizabeth sighed into the speaker. She fumbled for her calendar.

"_What do you mean 'I hope so'? I haven't seen you for over a month now. You'll definitely come back next Saturday. End of discussion_" came the complaint.

"Right, next Saturday"

"_You're working too much_"

"I know" Elizabeth sighed tiredly. She loaded herself with extra work whenever she could.

"_You made a mistake_" Julie then said and Elizabeth buried her face in her hands.

"No, I didn't" she mumbled against the palms of her hands.

"_What_?"

"I didn't make a mistake, Julie. Stop telling me that"

"_You did_" came the answer and Elizabeth could swear that her friend had just shrugged. They were having this conversation at least twice a week and Elizabeth had hoped that Julie would finally forget about it.

"It was the right thing to do" Elizabeth said automatically, just like she did every time.

"_No, it wasn't. He misses you_" Julie said and Elizabeth's head snapped up. It was the first time that Julie ever mentioned him. "_I bumped into him this morning. He misses you terribly, but he's just too stubborn to do anything about it. He respects your decision although it makes him, or better the both of you, unhappy. He said he wouldn't force himself on anyone_" Elizabeth felt tears burning in her eyes.

"He's married" she said quietly, not able to hide her desperation about this fact. She had to convince herself every day that she had done the right thing, that she would get over him eventually, but it wasn't easy without her friends and alone in another city.

"_Talk to him, Elizabeth_" Julie said insistently.

"It wouldn't change anything"

"_You don't know that. If you would have seen him this morning, you wouldn't give a damn anymore. You remember this sparkle in his eyes?_"

"Yes" Elizabeth said and images of his mesmerizing green eyes hit her.

"_It's gone_" Julie explained. "_Married or not, he wants you. Talk to him, let him explain everything, that's all I'm asking_"

"No" Elizabeth said firmly.

"_Elizabeth..._"

"No, I'm fine. I did the right thing and I won't change my mind" she said determined, but her heart screamed 'betrayal' and 'liar' at her own words. There was silence at the other end of the telephone and Elizabeth had time to compose herself. "Thank you for your concern, Julie, but I'm ok" she said after a while, having fought back her feelings once more. It was easier that way. Sometimes feeling just hurt too much.

"_Ok_" Julie said in resignation. "_Tell me your flight dates when you have them. I'll pick you up from the airport_"

"I will. See you next Saturday" Elizabeth said.

"_Next Saturday. Take care. Bye_" and before Elizabeth had the chance to say goodbye herself, Julie had already hung up. Elizabeth pushed a button on the telephone to silence the dead line.

Elizabeth stood up from her chair and went to the window of her new office. It was already dark outside and she could see the lights of New York. It had been a month now since she had left Washington and had gone back to work for the UN. She hugged her arms tightly around herself.

She missed having breakfast with Julie in the morning and she missed Mia and Josh and Mr. Robbins. It had been nice to work with them. She didn't complain about her current colleagues, but the others had been special.

Elizabeth had handed in her resignation on the morning of her departure and Mr. Robbins had been quite taken aback by her sudden wish to leave them. He had tried to convince her to stay, but she had refused. She then had hurried to say goodbye to Mia and Josh, careful not to run into John or his wife. After that Julie had taken her to the airport. A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts.

"Come in" she said, not looking away from the window. Michael Henderson's form appeared in the dark glass.

"You're working late" he said and stayed in the doorway, leaning slightly on the doorknob with his right hand.

"So are you. I just wanted to unpack the rest of my things" she said and turned around to gesture at two boxes in a far corner of her office. He nodded.

"I see. I just wanted to make sure you remember the Roberts Ball on Thursday. I'll be out of town for a few days and I know perfectly well that you hate these parties, but unfortunately you'll have to go this time" Elizabeth groaned at his words.

"Don't you have anyone else to go there?" she asked.

"No. I'm afraid the annual Atlantis Corporation Charity Ball is on your 'to do' list. You'll just have to shake some hands and wrap them around your little finger" he winked at her and Elizabeth sighed.

"You owe me one for that"

"I'll think about something" he said. "Don't stay too long tonight. Your boxes can wait another day. You look tired" he then said and Elizabeth gave him a wry smile.

"Just one box" she promised and he smiled.

"Ok. Goodnight"

"Goodnight" she said and he closed the door again. Elizabeth took one last glance out of the window and moved over to the corner to unpack the carton.


	16. Atlantis Corporation Charity Ball

The Atlantis Corporation Charity Ball

**A/N: The next chapter is up. To all of you who want to hear John's explanation: he'll get the chance to explain everything eventually, but not yet. Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!**

* * *

"Why did they name their company after a supposedly sunken city?" 

"I still have no answer to that, Rodney. You ask me the same question every year" Elizabeth said unnerved.

"No, I don't" he protested and Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at him. "Ok, maybe I do"

"You should go and ask Mr. Roberts himself why he named his company 'Atlantis'"

"You tell me that every time" Rodney complained and Elizabeth sighed.

"Maybe it's about time to actually listen to me"

"I don't know...you think they have still meatballs on the buffet?" he changed the subject abruptly. Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Go and check it out, Rodney" she said and he hurried off towards the buffet. Elizabeth watched him leave and shook her head. Rodney McKay was one of her closest friends. They had met in College and Elizabeth approximately saw him twice a year. He was an astrophysicist and she had given up trying to understand what his work was about a few years ago.

He was a pain in the ass, but she loved him nevertheless. She couldn't imagine being around him all the time though, she would probably strangle him after a day, but it was great to see him again after such a long time.

She took a sip from her red wine and looked around the room. There were people she hadn't seen in months and Elizabeth silently wished that she wouldn't have to talk to either of them that evening. She was back on the other side again. The side where she had to endure the boring small talk and couldn't rescue herself into the kitchen.

Elizabeth stopped midway in her thoughts when her eyes caught something. She stared a while longer to the other end of the big room and then shook her head. She really had to stop thinking about John. It had been the fourth time that evening that she thought she had seen him in the crowd. That was ridiculous.

She looked back over to the buffet and watched Rodney loading his plate with everything he could find on the long tables. He picked up a spit, sniffed at the food and put it back down. Elizabeth shook her head slightly and wanted to take another sip from her glass when her eyes locked with a pair of green ones.

He was standing at the end of the buffet, leaning against the wall behind him. He was wearing his Air Force dress uniform and he was looking directly at her. Elizabeth lowered the glass from her mouth and looked at him for a few more seconds before she took a step back and turned around, away from him.

When he was out of sight she took a shuddering breath and tried to remember who she still had to talk to this evening, but there were no names in her head but one. He was really there, she hadn't just seen things. John was in New York.

She wasn't prepared for this and it caught her totally off guard. There were still dozens of people Michael wanted her to talk to, but she decided to put her glass onto the next waiter's tray and hurry towards the exit. It wasn't the best thing to do, but running away again suddenly seemed the best course of action.

She was able to make it to the checkroom to get her coat when he caught up with her. Elizabeth froze in the action of pulling on her coat when he jogged around the corner and their eyes locked once again.

"Stop following me" she said slightly out of breath. Her heart was racing. She wanted to be angry at him, but all she felt was the hurt and the disappointment. It took her some effort to hold back her tears. Julie had been right. The sparkle in his eyes was gone.

"Ok" he said and Elizabeth shivered. She hadn't heard his voice in over 5 weeks. The shivering wouldn't stop and Elizabeth finally slipped into her coat and hugged herself tightly. He looked tired and hurt and it pained her to see him like that. She retreated further backwards until she reached the exit. She looked at him only a moment longer before she turned around and left the building.

Elizabeth took a deep breath of the cool night air and looked down the street, first left then right. She started walking down the street to her left, desperately trying to clear her mind. She had seen John again. He couldn't just do that. He couldn't just appear out of nowhere. She had left Washington because of him. He couldn't just come to New York. Seeing him again wasn't helping her to forget him. To forget the fact that he was married and that he'd lied to her. Yes, it was much easier to be angry at him when she didn't have to face him.

She walked down the street a while longer until the freezing wind got too cold and she had to call herself a cab. She told the driver to drive her to her office. She wouldn't be able to sleep, not with her mind racing and her emotions whirling. Working had always been her method of shutting things she didn't want to think about out. Burying herself in work always worked. Sometimes old habits were quite useful.


	17. Coming Home

Coming Home

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I've been busy lately, but here's a new chapter. Thank you for reviewing the previous ones. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

"You look horrible" Julie commented Saturday afternoon when she picked up Elizabeth from the airport. Elizabeth slumped down on the passenger's side of Julie's car and closed her eyes. She felt horrible. She had worked the past three days through in order to stop thinking about John.

"Yeah, I feel horrible" she sighed and opened an eye to peek sideways at Julie. She felt tired, depressed and frustrated. And all that because of a man. That was pathetic.

"How did that Charity thing go?" Julie asked and Elizabeth couldn't help the groan escaping her throat. She turned her head to look out the window. They left the parking lot of the airport.

"Lots of people I didn't want to see again" she sighed tiredly.

"Anyone I know?"

"No"

"Really?" she asked and Elizabeth turned her head at her friend's surprised tone. She raised an eyebrow at her.

"Rodney was there" she explained slowly, watching Julie's expression carefully.

"McKay? Jeez, I don't envy you. I still can't touch my camera without getting goose bumps everywhere" she said and shook herself. Elizabeth smiled slightly. She had asked Julie to take some pictures of Rodney for the cover of his latest book and Julie had described this afternoon as the worst 4 hours of her life. "Anyone else?" she then asked.

"I have the feeling you want to hear a particular name" Elizabeth said. Julie shortly looked at her before she concentrated back onto the street.

"Well, then just say the name and I'll be happy"

"He was there, I saw him, I left the party, he came after me, I told him to go and I left. Happy now?" Elizabeth sighed.

"Not really" Julie said.

"How do you know he was there in the first place?"

"I have my connections" Julie said in an amused tone.

"You're supposed to be my friend, but you're working against me. You could have told me that he would be there, unless..." she said and raised an eyebrow at Julie. "Unless you wanted me to bump into him"

"You seriously need some help there, Elizabeth. I told you that I bumped into him the other day. He mentioned that he would go to New York to this Charity Ball and I let slip that you would be there too. That's all"

"That's all? Julie, stop interfering in my life. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. I don't want to see John again. When are you getting that?" Elizabeth said angrily.

"When you give me one good reason why you refuse to at least talk to him. Give me just one reason why you won't let him explain" Julie said seriously. Elizabeth was silent. "Is there a reason at all or are you just too stubborn, because you let yourself get hurt again? I don't get it. Explain it to me" she added agitated. Elizabeth felt a tear roll down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly.

"I can't" she said quietly. "I just...we were in a relationship, he said he loved me and then I find out that he is married to another woman. He kept it from me on purpose. Why would he do that and where does that leave me? I know where it leaves me. I don't want to be the mistress. I don't want to be the mistress of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to hear his explanations, because just seeing him hurts. It just hurts and reminds me of what I can't have" she said and rested the side of her head against the window.

"Ok" Julie said quietly. "I think there's still a bowl of ice-cream in the freezer" Elizabeth laughed slightly.

"Thank you"

"No problem. Tell me about McKay. Is he still that arrogant and annoying person? I can't believe that he's actually a friend of yours. How can you endure that? Four hours and I was ready to kill him. Did you know that he is allergic to citrus? Read it on the cover of his book. I think I'll carry a lemon from now on in case I see him again sometime" Julie started talking really fast and Elizabeth's thoughts drifted away from John and from her work.

Coming home had definitely been a good idea. Maybe she now had the chance to clear her mind a bit. She had Julie back for the next couple of days and she hoped that her friend could take some of her misery away.

"You have to look into the camera, Elizabeth" Julie groaned and Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"I didn't ask you to take your camera with you. I asked you to take a walk with me" she said and sat down on a bench.

"Please, we're in a park, the sun is shining and you really should look into the camera" Julie said and waited patiently. Elizabeth sighed and stuck her tongue out at her friend. "You have to smile, Elizabeth"

"Hey, I'm not one of your models. Don't be so bossy with me" Elizabeth complained.

"Do what I tell you and I won't be bossy. Now smile" she ordered and Elizabeth laughed. Julie sat down on the bench next to her only moments later. "I think that's going to be a nice picture" she said.

"I hope so"

"Elizabeth?" a voice suddenly asked and Elizabeth looked to her right. A wide smile spread across her face.

"Mia!" she exclaimed and got up from the bench to give the other woman a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm great. How are you? What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York" the young woman asked.

"She was. I dragged her away from work" Julie cut in and stood up. "I'll be over there to take some pictures" she said and let them both alone.

"I'll be gone again on Wednesday. Hey, how are your father and Josh?" Mia groaned.

"Oh, please. Dad is so annoying. It's Kelly Sheppard's birthday in about 3 weeks and there's a party. He's driving me insane with all the planning and preparations and Josh found this new recipe of a cheesecake. He's also driving me crazy. Oh and Sheppard senior had a mild heart attack about 2 weeks ago" she explained.

"Is he ok? How did that happen?" Elizabeth asked concerned.

"Yeah, he's fine. He came out of the hospital last week. It happened at home; he had a pretty nasty fight with Sheppard junior. They were shouting at each other and then it happened. Dad heard it all, but he doesn't want to tell me what it was about" she said and Elizabeth winced slightly at the mention of John.

"But he's going to be ok?"

"Yeah, he's already working from home again, but there's total silence between him and Sheppard junior. Whatever they were arguing about, it was pretty serious I guess. Sheppard junior is acting strangely lately anyway, but giving his father a heart attack has really upset him. He spent last week in New York keeping his father's appointments" she said and Elizabeth wished she would stop talking about John. Wherever she went, he was there. There seemed to be no place to hide from him. "We all miss you terribly" Mia then said and Elizabeth smiled sadly.

"I miss you guys too, but it was time to get back to my old job" she sighed. She did miss them.

"I see, well, I don't want to keep you from your short holiday. It was nice seeing you again" Mia said and gave her another hug.

"Yeah, you too. Take care and say 'hi' to your dad and Josh, ok?" Elizabeth said and Mia nodded. They said goodbye and Elizabeth watched the young woman walk away before she went looking for Julie. Her mind was once again racing. She found Julie taking pictures of a bare tree.

"I really should go into landscape motives" she said when Elizabeth came to stand beside her.

"He's haunting me. It's Sunday and he's still haunting me. He had a fight with his dad and he had a heart attack" Elizabeth sighed.

"Who, John?"

"No, his dad. John was in New York to keep his dad's appointments" she said, a new feeling rising in her: sadness. She knew John was feeling guilty for what had happened to his father, of that she was sure. And she felt sad that John had to go through all that. It confused her even more.

"That's sad. You could send a 'Get well soon' card. He's your former boss, it would be a nice gesture" Julie suggested and looked at her.

"Yeah, maybe I could do that"

"So, he's haunting you, huh?" she asked and Elizabeth sighed.

"Yeah"

"You know what to do with ghosts? You have to face them if you want them to go away. Trying to ignore them and hiding under your blanket only makes them haunt you more" she shrugged.

"Yeah, so I've noticed"


	18. Explanations

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. The next chapter is up. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Life sucks" Elizabeth said and scooped some more ice-cream onto her spoon.

"Yup" Julie said and handed her the entire bowl of chocolate ice-cream. It was Tuesday evening and they were both sitting on the couch.

"Life really sucks"

"Definitely"

"Maybe life in another country is different, easier" Elizabeth said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, maybe"

"I should move to, I don't know, Tibet. Tibet sounds like a country where life is easier"

"Ok, you know what? I think you had too much ice-cream. You're high from all the sugar" Julie said and snatched the bowl back from Elizabeth's hands.

"Hey, I'm the one with the married ex-boyfriend. I deserve to be on a sugar high" Elizabeth protested before she started laughing. She hadn't felt so light for the last few weeks.

"No more ice-cream. How about I get you a coffee instead?" Julie asked when the doorbell rang. "Ok, you open the door, I'll be in the kitchen" she said and hopped off the couch. Elizabeth sighed and got up too. She checked her clothes quickly before she opened the door. It was John. He really was haunting her. He was about to open his mouth when Elizabeth slammed the door shut in front of him. It just had been an impulse.

"Who was it?" Julie asked when she padded back into the living room. Elizabeth turned around to her friend.

"John" she said and tried to calm her racing heart. Julie raised an eyebrow at her.

"You didn't just close the door again, did you? That's rude, Elizabeth" she said. She went over to the chest of drawers next to Elizabeth and took her keys. She then took her jacket from the hook next to the door.

"What are you doing?" Elizabeth asked alarmed, following her friend's movements. Julie looked at her.

"What did I tell you about ghosts? You want him to leave you alone? Then talk to him. I'll get some more ice-cream" she said and opened the front door. Julie found herself face to face with John who had his hand raised, apparently ready to knock. Elizabeth felt her insides turn to ice. Julie was right; she had to talk to him eventually, but now was too fast for her liking. "Hey" Julie greeted him. "You should go inside before she slams the door shut again" she said and stepped around him and out of sight.

Elizabeth hugged her arms around herself and looked at him. He looked tired and careworn like he had done the week before at the Atlantis Charity Ball and he made no attempts to enter the apartment. He just stood there and looked at her. Then he sighed.

"I'm just here to say thank you for the card you sent to my father. It was a nice gesture"

"How is he?" Elizabeth asked before she could stop herself.

"Fine I guess" he sighed tiredly. There was a sadness in his voice and his lines that made her momentarily forget about their history.

"You're still not talking to each other?" she asked and he looked at her in surprise. "Mia told me" she explained. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down.

"No, we're not and I think that won't change"

"Give it some time"

"Yeah" he sighed again and took a step back. "I think I should...thank you again for the card. That's why I'm here" he said quietly and Elizabeth nodded. He looked miserable and she really shouldn't care about it, but she did. He was about to turn around when she couldn't stop herself.

"John, are you ok?" she asked, not able to keep the concern out of her voice. One part of her wanted him to go, but the other part couldn't bear to see him like this. His gaze snapped to her face, the confusion in his eyes only evident for a second.

"I'm fine" he said and she could see that even he didn't believe in his own words. There was an inner battle in Elizabeth. Face the ghosts, she told herself.

"You're not fine. Come in. I think Julie made coffee before she left" Elizabeth said and let her arms drop to her sides. Just face the damn ghosts.

"No, I'm ok. I should go"

"Please. Before I change my mind" she said quietly and he looked at her. She had to do this. He looked at her a few moments longer before he finally stepped into the apartment. Elizabeth gave him a wry smile and turned around to get the coffee. When she stepped into the kitchen she let out a long breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. She grabbed two mugs and poured them some coffee, all the while trying to ignore her urge to stay in the kitchen and hide as long as he would leave again.

When she came back she found John sitting on the couch, his face buried in his hands. She put a mug in front of him and sat down opposite of him in the armchair. He looked up and smiled slightly.

"Thanks" he said and took a sip from the hot coffee.

"Mia told me you had a fight with your father when it happened" Elizabeth broke the silence after a few moments. He winced slightly. He really did blame himself. He looked at the flowers on the coffee table when he spoke.

"Yes, it was a pretty nasty fight. He just clutched his hand to his chest and collapsed at some point. I think Nicholas was next door and heard it all. He was the one who called the ambulance" he explained.

"Does your father blame you for what happened?" she asked and he looked at her.

"No"

"Then why are you blaming yourself?"

"I don't..." he said and tore his eyes away from her. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "The things I said to him caused the heart attack. I'm blaming myself, because I would do it again. I would say those exact same things again. I knew beforehand that that conversation would end in trouble, but I did it nevertheless. And I did the right thing, but he won't understand it. He refuses to talk to me until I change my mind about what I said, but I won't do that" he said. Elizabeth wanted to ask what the fight had been about, but she came to the conclusion that it was none of her business anymore.

"If it was the right thing to do, then don't blame yourself" she said and took a sip from her coffee.

"Don't" he said and abruptly stood up. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her with a pained look.

"Don't what?"

"I should go. I can't..." he sighed and retreated to the door.

"You can't what? What's wrong?"

"I can't ask this of you. I can't ask you to listen to my problems, not after...not after what I did to you" he said and she straightened her back. Now it was probably time to face the ghosts.

"Why didn't you tell me about your wife? Why didn't you tell me that you're married? Why did Evan not say a word? Why did you lie to me? Why did you hurt me like that?" she asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth. She hugged her knees to her chest, her chin resting on top of them. It took her all the willpower she had not to cry. The color had left John's face and he looked more miserable than ever before. He rested the back of his head against the door and then slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke.

"My father introduced me to Caroline about 4½ years ago. He wanted to expand his company and Caroline was the perfect daughter-in-law for his plans. Her father owned a big pharmaceutical company, just like my dad, but he planned to retire. He needed a new head for his company and who would be better than a son-in-law? Caroline didn't want to have anything to do with her father's company and my dad knew that, don't ask me how. He suggested the marriage at a point in my life where I just wanted to settle down. Caroline is an attractive and smart woman and we married only months later. I was the head of 'Douglas Pharmaceutics' for about an hour before I signed over this right to my dad. Both companies fused and everyone was happy. Dad with his new big company, Caroline's dad with his share and Caroline with her new husband, but I was suddenly stuck in a marriage I didn't want to be in anymore. It was just too fast and we both realized that maybe we didn't fit as well together as we thought we do. We tried to make it work, we really did, but it was no use. We spent more and more time apart, Caroline worked abroad and only came back to the States a few times the year" he said and rubbed a hand over his face.

"When it didn't work, why didn't you get a divorce?" Elizabeth asked, her voice full of doubts. Why stay stuck in an unwanted marriage?

"The company. Getting divorced means to break the fusion. My father would have to give his part of 'Douglas Pharmaceutics' back to Caroline and he doesn't want that. Caroline and I agreed to stay married. We are living separate lives though. I certainly don't love her and she doesn't anymore. I told my father that I want the divorce. That's what our fight was about. He saw himself confronted with losing half of his company"

"That's really a nice story, but if it really were like you said, why didn't you just tell me?" Elizabeth asked and he closed his eyes and hit the door with the back of his head. If he had just said the truth, maybe she would have understood.

"I didn't tell you, because I am an idiot. I wanted to get to know you better before I tell you. Then I got to know you better and suddenly I was afraid to tell you. How could I possibly tell you that I have a wife? I told you that I loved you and having a wife didn't fit into the picture. And then I thought why tell you at all? Caroline was abroad and I was living my own life. I was egoistic and I didn't think about the consequences. At some point I just wanted to be with you and I ignored the fact that I should tell you about Caroline. I was naïve enough to believe that it didn't matter"

"You could have trusted me to understand it" she said quietly, hugging her knees even tighter. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"I trusted you, I still do, but what if you hadn't understood it? What if you had left? I was afraid of the what if's, but with choosing not to tell you I made it all happen. It's ironic how life turns out sometimes. There you are, trying to prevent bad things from happening and with exactly doing that you make them happen" he said sadly. "I'm pretty good at hurting the people around me"

"Yeah" Elizabeth sighed. "You make it easy for them to lose their trust in you" she said and looked directly at him. He held her gaze for a few moments before he looked away. "And sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes it's too much to ask for regaining that trust back"

"I see. As I said, I didn't think of the consequences. Now I have to live with them"

"It's not only about you, John. The people you hurt have to live with the same consequences. You burden them with the consequences of your mistakes" she said coldly and he winced at her harsh words. He had practically ruined her life and made her spend the past weeks in misery, because he'd been egoistic. He had decided about her life and it hadn't turned out the way they both had wanted. "You didn't answer my question about Evan. He's your best friend, but he never mentioned your wife to me. Is that what you do all the time? Cheating on your wife and he doesn't care about it?" Elizabeth demanded. He looked at her with a hard look.

"Don't blame him for what happened. It's my fault, not his. He cares a lot, especially about you. He likes you and he blames me for what happened. I told him that I would tell you about Caroline. He didn't say a word to you, because I asked him not to and because I promised him to tell you. He trusted me. Once again I exploited that trust" he ended sadly. He stared at his knees and they spent the next few minutes in silence.

Elizabeth was trying to put her emotions back in order. There was the anger she felt towards John for hurting her like that. Then there was disappointment. She had trusted him completely and he had played with her trust like it had been worth nothing. She couldn't understand why he hadn't just told her everything. It would have been better than living with a lie and the consequences. She hated him for agreeing to that marriage in the first place and she hated him for pulling Evan into it all. There was a small amount of pity inside her for his current situation with his father and she even felt sad about the fact that she couldn't help him.

She didn't know if she still loved him, he had just left too much damage behind and she wasn't sure if she had the strength to let him rebuild it. She wasn't sure if she could trust him again. She had trusted him with her life and he had destroyed that trust. She didn't know of she had more to give. Sometimes it was just too much. But above all these emotions there was still the hurt she felt. He had hurt her, maybe not deliberately, but he had done it. She had wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but he had made her life burst into pieces. She didn't know if she could forgive him for doing that.

"You could have tried to explain it earlier" she said quietly and he looked back at her.

"I know, but I didn't. I know it's no excuse, but when you of all persons told me that my wife is in my house you gave me the shock of my life. I saw your face and your eyes told me that I wouldn't get through to you. I let you go. I thought maybe I should give you some time. And then you went back to New York. I wanted to come after you, but then I realized I had nothing to say to you. I could have explained it all to you, but it probably wouldn't have changed anything. The damage was already done. Then we met at the Charity Ball and I wanted to talk to you, but when you told me to leave you alone I understood it. You showed me that it wouldn't change anything at all" he said and got back to his feet.

"It just hurt. It still does" she admitted quietly.

"I know and I'm sorry for what I did. It's not much, but believe me when I say that I loved you, I...I do love you. It wasn't a game. It probably won't mean anything to you now, but I wanted to spend my life with you. Maybe you have noticed that I never cared if anyone saw us together. I wouldn't have done that if I had a wife I loved and for whom I waited. There is nothing more I can say than sorry" he said and looked her straight in the eyes. Elizabeth swallowed slightly. He then averted his eyes. "I should go" he said and opened the door. Elizabeth got up from the couch and went over to him, but keeping some distance between them.

"Don't blame yourself for your father's heart attack. You did what you thought was best and the fact that you would do it again proves that it is the right thing to do" Elizabeth said, picking up their earlier conversation. He rested his head against the side of the door.

"I know that it is the right decision. It's long overdue, but I doubt that he will accept it" he sighed and walked outside. "You're going back to New York, right?"

"Yes" she said and he nodded slightly.

"Take care of yourself, ok?" he asked quietly and Elizabeth felt tears well up in her eyes. So this was the closure she had wanted. It somehow didn't feel right. She nodded and he gave her a small smile. He then turned around and left.


	19. The Day After

**A/N: Here's a new chapter. I'm so sorry for the long wait. I'll try to post more soon!**

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It was Wednesday afternoon and her flight was going at 8 pm in the evening. After John had left the evening before Elizabeth had gone to her room, had curled up in her bed and had cried. She wasn't sure why she had been so upset. When Julie had come back she had feigned sleep, she had needed to sort out things for herself.

"So, you're telling me he married, because his dad wanted to rule the world?" Julie asked and looked at her over the rim of her glass of water. They were sitting in a café, just a few blocks away from their apartment. Elizabeth had finally decided to tell Julie about hers and John's conversation.

"He apparently wanted to expand his company" Elizabeth said.

"And John helped him by marrying a woman he didn't love?"

"He said it was at a point in his life where he wanted to settle down"

"And what does that mean?" Julie asked and raised an eyebrow at her. Elizabeth sighed.

"I don't know. He didn't go into detail" she said and stared at her coffee. Despite the fact that she had had a proper talk with him, she didn't feel relieved at all.

"And all the time he was afraid to tell you?" Julie asked and Elizabeth nodded. "Men. As soon as it becomes serious they get cold feet. It's always the same" she said and Elizabeth laughed slightly.

"Yeah, it's always the same" she then sighed. Julie put down her glass and looked at her.

"That conversation wasn't what you were looking for, right? He's still in your head" she commented and Elizabeth looked up. She had spent the past night thinking, rethinking and thinking again about everything he had said to her and the more she thought about it, the more uneasy she felt. She couldn't explain it though. "Do you believe what he said to you? Do you believe this whole marrying-because-my-father-wanted-to-rule-the-world-excuse?" Julie asked.

"I think I do"

"Ok, then next question. Do you still love him?" she asked and Elizabeth looked back down at her coffee. She had asked herself that question many times since the night before.

"Honestly, I don't know" she sighed. She couldn't say that she didn't love him anymore, but she couldn't say that she loved him either. It was confusing. He had damaged her. "I don't know anything. I expected once he gave me an explanation I could close that chapter of my life, but that doesn't work. I feel restless, I feel like I should do something, but I don't know what. It's driving me crazy" she said exasperated.

"Maybe the thing you should do is to forgive him. We're human, we make mistakes. He made a mistake. You're always telling me that everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe that's what you should do. Give him a second chance" Julie said calmly.

"How come that one day you take sides with me and then suddenly you're on his side?"

"I'm not taking sides with him, I'm always on your side. I just point out the options you have. I know you, Elizabeth. Sometimes you just need someone to nudge you into the right direction, that's all"

"And you think that forgiving him is the right direction?"

"I'm not saying it is, but it can be an alternative to bearing a lifelong grudge against him. You have to decide that for yourself" Julie said and took a sip from her water. Elizabeth watched the cars that were driving past the café on the outside.

"I'm not sure if I can forgive him" she said thoughtfully, her eyes slowly travelling back to Julie.

"You don't have to, it's just one of many different options"

After they had left the café Elizabeth had dropped Julie at their apartment in order to have some time for herself to think. She didn't know what made her do it, but only an hour later she found herself on the parking lot of the air field where John's flight school was located. He wasn't there though. She didn't see his car anywhere or the motorbike.

The flight school was closed, there were no courses today and Elizabeth strolled around the area until she found herself in one of the hangars. The plane John had taken her out with was slumbering in the back of the great hall.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked and she wheeled around. "Elizabeth" Evan said in surprise when he recognized her. She smiled at him.

"Hey"

"What are you doing here?" he asked and came over to her. He was covered in what looked like oil and was cleaning his hands in a stained cloth.

"I don't know" she said and looked around. She had just followed an impulse that had brought her there.

"I'm sorry" he said and she turned back to look at him.

"What for?"

"I should have told you. I should have told you the moment he asked me to keep it to myself. He's such an idiot. I should have seen it coming" he sighed. Elizabeth raised both eyebrows at him.

"Did it already happen before?"

"No, but he was trapped and when that happens he tends to do the stupidest things and unfortunately I tend to follow him" he said in a voice full of regret.

"What do you mean with trapped?"

"He realized that he had to tell you about Caroline, but he also knew that he would hurt you with doing that. God, he was afraid that once you knew you would turn tail and leave. He said he needed some time to figure out how to tell you and asked me to keep my mouth shut. I would have never thought that he wouldn't tell you. I'm so sorry" he said and rubbed a hand over his face.

"It's not your fault, Evan" she said reassuringly. It wasn't his fault. He had just trusted his best friend. "Did you know why he married?" she then asked and started walking around the hangar, Evan following her.

"Oh please, I tried to talk some sense into him, but he wouldn't listen. It was a clever move of Richard to ask John to get married at that time. We both came back from Afghanistan and we've been through hell there. John lost three of his comrades and then was almost court-martialed for ignoring an order in order to help them. He was sick of the military and he just wanted a quiet life. Richard took advantage of that and suggested the marriage. He and Caroline barely knew each other, but they both agreed. John agreed, because he thought a family was what he needed and Caroline did it, because she really was in love with him I guess. I tried to talk him out of it, but there was no chance for me to get through to him. And then a few months later he suddenly realized what he had done. I don't know what happened with Caroline, but they were starting to live separate lives. His father kept him from getting divorced because of his company. Everything was such a mess. It still is" he explained.

They walked in silence around the hangar and Elizabeth had time to think about Evan's words. He had told her the same things John had offered her as an explanation plus the details John had left out. It sounded all plausible. She had known that John had been in Afghanistan once, but he had never talked about what had happened there. And she had always thought of Richard Sheppard as a nice person. She would have never thought that he would be able to take advantage of his son like that, but then again she had only been the housemaid. She had never really gotten to know John's parents.

"Did you find the answers you were looking for?" Evan asked after a while and she looked at him in surprise. He smiled slightly. "You and John have a lot in common. You both have this talent for subtle interrogation" he explained and Elizabeth gave him a small smile.

"Sorry" she said and he laughed.

"Don't worry about it. So, did I say anything useful?"

"I'm not sure" she said and sighed. "Tell me an alternative to bearing a lifelong grudge against him" she said to her surprise. Evan thought for a moment.

"An alternative would be to forgive him" he shrugged.

"You think I should do that?" she asked and he shook his head.

"I'm just saying it's an alternative, nothing more. You have to decide that for yourself" he said. She sighed.

"Yeah, people tend to tell me that"

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you with making that decision. All I can tell you is that John is an idiot and sometimes he behaves like a 5-year-old, because he doesn't know it better" he shrugged. Elizabeth smiled.

"But you're still his best friend"

"I am still his best friend. It's a full time job. I don't want to justify his actions, but he's a good person, but I'm sure you already know that despite the fact what he did. He didn't hurt you on purpose, he wouldn't do that"

"But he did" she said and Evan sighed sadly.

"Yes, he did. As I said before, I can't make that decision for you" he said and she nodded.

"Thank you"

"Anytime"


	20. Invitation

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here's another chapter of the story. Sorry that I can't post more frequently, but I can only get online on the weekends at the moment. I hope that'll change soon. Enjoy!**

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"You have a meeting with Karen Mercer at 10 am and Mr. Henderson would like to see you around noon. Julie Stevens called, because she apparently couldn't reach you at home. She's going to call you back at 3 pm and there was a call from a certain Dr. McKay. He wanted to know if you're free for dinner tonight. He has some news about his new book I think. I wasn't able to understand him properly. He was talking so fast. Sorry" Elizabeth's assistant, Maureen, said apologetically. They were in Elizabeth's office, going through her appointments for the day.

"It's ok. What did you say? Am I going to have dinner with him tonight?" Elizabeth asked and rubbed her temples. It was barely 9 am and she already had a headache.

"No, I told him you'll be busy with a meeting"

"I don't have a meeting tonight, right?" Elizabeth asked worried, but Maureen shook her head.

"No, you only have another telephone appointment with Mr. Roberts from Atlantis Corporation at 5pm" Maureen said and looked through her papers. "Do you want me to call Dr. McKay back?" she then asked and Elizabeth shook her head.

"No, there's still a lot of work to do. I can have dinner with him another time" she sighed. "Thank you, Maureen" she then said and her assistant left the office. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Julie in over a week and she hadn't seen her the last three months. Elizabeth was drowning in her work and she wished she had some time to go to Washington and stay a few days with her best friend. Unfortunately her work kept her from taking a few days off.

There came a light breeze through the open window of her office. She hadn't been in Washington since her last encounter with Evan on the air field. That day had also been the last day she had seen Julie. The day before that day had been the last time she had seen John. It had taken her about a month to stop thinking about him constantly and another month to think about him at all. She had tried her best to live her life without him and although it had been hard she had managed it somehow.

"You wanted to see me?" she asked a few hours later when she stepped into Michael Henderson's office. He looked up from his papers and smiled at her.

"Hey, yes. Have a seat" he said and gestured to a chair in front of his desk. Elizabeth sat down and looked at him expectantly. It didn't happen often that she was called into his office. Most of the time he stopped by her office when he wanted something. He leaned back in his chair. "I wanted to ask a favor of you"

"Ok" she said slowly. Now that didn't happen often either. He had never asked her for a favor before.

"Melissa is in the hospital. She stumbled over one of Emily's toys and broke her ankle" he said and scratched the back of his head. Melissa was Michael's wife. Elizabeth had met her a few times and she really liked her. Emily was Michael's 3-year-old daughter.

"Ouch. I hope she's ok"

"Yeah, she's fine, she'll be released tomorrow, but she'll have to walk on crutches for a few weeks"

"Do you want me to babysit Emily?" Elizabeth asked and he laughed.

"No, that's not what I wanted to ask you. Melissa and I were both invited to a barbecue party of an old friend in Washington. It's not a simple barbecue though. There are lots of important people, that's why I want to go and I wanted to ask you if you would like to accompany me there since Melissa can't walk and it's already this weekend" he said and she stared at him.

"You want me to accompany you to a barbecue party?"

"Only if you want to"

"I...ok" she said. That would give her a reason to go to Washington and see Julie.

"I promise that you can enjoy that party. There's no work for you, only for me. I would have gone alone but then I thought you haven't been in Washington for some time now and that I could ask you"

"Well, that's very nice of you" she smiled.

"Anytime. I'll let you know the flight dates"

"Ok"

"I can't believe it! I had to make an appointment to talk to you" Julie ranted on the telephone. Elizabeth sat on the corner of her desk and was going through a report while Julie vented her anger. "An appointment, Elizabeth! I thought I was the one person for whom you would drop everything immediately. That's not fair. I'm not used to make appointments with your assistant. You work too much. It's bad enough that we don't see each other, but now I have to make appointments in order to talk to you? No, that's really not fair"

"Calm down, Julie. I've just been busy the past few days and no one forced you to make an appointment" Elizabeth said in an amused tone.

"That's not funny, Elizabeth" Julie grumbled.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Now, is there anything you wanted? I'm all yours for the next 2 hours" she said and closed the report.

"I just wanted to talk to you and ask you when you finally find the time to visit me again. I kind of miss you"

"Yeah, I miss you too and you're lucky, because I'll come home this weekend"

"Very funny" Julie stated dryly.

"I'm accompanying Michael to a barbecue party and that party happens to be located in Washington"

"You're going out with your boss? When did that happen?"

"I'm not going out with him. His wife can't accompany him and he asked me, because he thought I would like to get back to you for a few days, but I can cancel it again if you don't want to see me" Elizabeth sighed with feigned disappointment.

"Of course I want to see you. You're really coming this weekend? God, I love your boss. Tell him that, ok?"

"Yeah, I can do that"


	21. Barbecue

**A/N: Yay, another chapter! Things are getting interesting again. I hope you enjoy!**

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"And you're sure that you're not dating your boss? Because you look insanely hot in that dress" Julie said and eyed Elizabeth's appearance. Elizabeth laughed.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not dating my boss" she said and went looking for her purse. It was Saturday evening and Michael would pick her up any second now. "And thank you for the compliment" she said when she found her purse in a corner of her room. She then hurried down the stairs, Julie following her.

"Why am I never invited to barbecue parties?" Julie sighed and flopped down onto the couch.

"Well, why am I never invited to private viewings? You go to these exhibitions all the time" Elizabeth said and took her coat from the hook.

"Let's swap. The next exhibition is yours"

"Maybe next time" Elizabeth said when the doorbell rang. She slipped into her coat and opened the door.

"Hey there. You look nice" Michael greeted her.

"Hey yourself and thank you, but you look nice yourself" she said with a grin and eyed his appearance. He was wearing a white linen suit.

"Thanks. Melissa chose it. You're ready?"

"Absolutely" she said and turned around to Julie. "Don't burn the house down while I'm gone" she winked.

"I won't. Have fun"

"Is that work I see there?" Michael asked when they sat in the car. Elizabeth had pulled out a few crumbled sheets of her purse.

"Not exactly. I printed out my e-mails. Haven't had the time to read them yet" she said and tried to read the papers in the twilight. Their ride took some time and Elizabeth was able to finish reading her last e-mail and making notes for her response when they finally arrived at their destination. To say that she was shocked would be an understatement.

"The party is here?" she asked and stared at the big house in front of her. There were a few windows illuminated, but a lot of them were dark.

"Yeah, pretty big house, but well, Richard can afford it I think" Michael said and got out of the car. Elizabeth remained inside. Michael opened her door and waited for her to get out, but she didn't move. "You ok?"

"You know Richard Sheppard?" she asked and looked at him.

"Yes, we met a few years ago. He's an old friend. You know him as well?" he asked surprised.

"I worked for him" she said and got out of the car slowly. And I loved his son, she thought. Had she known that Michael wanted her to accompany him to Richard Sheppard's barbecue party, she would have stayed in New York.

"You worked for him?"

"Yeah, it's a long story" she said and slammed the door shut. She could hear people talking and laughing behind the house. There was also music playing.

"You have to tell me some time" he said and started walking towards the little path that led into the backyard. Elizabeth followed him slowly. Her heart was racing for no reason and she felt nervous. John would probably be there as well, but that didn't need to concern her. She had spent the last three months without him. She had stopped thinking about him and she had stopped loving him. That's what her brain told her.

The music drew nearer and Elizabeth found herself in a big crowd of people. The backyard was decorated neatly and bathed in colorful lights. There were tables set up to her right and the barbecue grill was on her left. She recognized Josh behind it and a small smile played across her lips. That had to mean Mia and Mr. Robbins would also be there.

"Elizabeth?" a voice asked and she turned around to look into Evan's face.

"Evan. It's nice to see you" she said and gave him a hug. He was wearing a black suit and his hair was shorter than it had been 3 months ago.

"It's nice to see you too and sorry, but you look incredible in that dress" he said and she laughed. She had left her coat in the car.

"Thank you, but you look very dashing yourself" she smiled and he picked at his tie.

"I hate suits, but Richard insists on them. Don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell are you doing here?" he asked and his eyes travelled to Michael.

"Evan, this is Michael Henderson, Michael, that's Evan Lorne" Elizabeth introduced them and they shook hands. "Michael was kind enough to invite me to accompany him"

"Don't mention it. Would you excuse me for a second? I think I just saw Richard over there" he said and let her and Evan alone. When he was out of sight she looked back at Evan.

"I had no idea whose party it is, otherwise..."

"You wouldn't have come" he finished the sentence for her.

"Probably not" she said honestly.

"I see you've chosen the lifelong grudge" he commented and Elizabeth thought about it for a moment. Then she shook her head.

"No, I haven't, but I continued to live my life"

"With that Michael guy?" he asked and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"That Michael guy is my boss and he invited me along, because his wife can't walk with a broken ankle, because she stumbled over a toy of their 3-year-old daughter"

"Sorry, that was rude" he said apologetically.

"You're forgiven. Do you have any idea where the drinks are located?" she asked. Evan led her through the crowd over to a long table. He then handed her a glass of red wine. "Is John here?" she asked and looked around. She just wanted to make sure.

"Not yet, but I don't think that he will come at all" he said and Elizabeth tried to ignore the slight disappointment she felt. "He and Richard are on the warpath, but Kelly wanted him to come. I have no idea if he'll do her that favor" he sighed.

"They're still not talking to each other?"

"No, John moved out about a month ago and I think since this morning Richard really hates him"

"What happened?" she asked and took a sip from her wine.

"His and Caroline's divorce was finalized. The papers with her signature arrived this morning and Richard has to give a part of his company back to Caroline. I would guess that it is better when John doesn't come here, because I don't think Richard can stay calm when he sees him" Evan said with a sigh and took a sip from his own wine. Elizabeth was silent. He had really done it. He had really gotten a divorce. He had moved out and he had ruined his father.

"He wouldn't freak out in front of all these people, would he?"

"I'm not so sure about that. Here he comes" Evan said and Elizabeth turned her head to see Richard Sheppard walking towards them.

"Elizabeth! What a surprise to see you here" he said and held out his hand to her. She took it and shook it slowly. "Michael told me you're here with him" he added.

"Yes, I am"

"I had no idea that you're working for the UN. Michael just told me. That really was a surprise"

"I can imagine" she said and peeked sideways at Evan.

"May I ask why you chose to work here?" he asked, coming straight to the point.

"I made the decision out of private motives" she said politely, not wanting to go into detail. The only person who knew the whole truth was still John.

"I see"

"Would you excuse us for a second, Richard? I think we might get something to eat. It smells delicious" Evan cut in and Richard Sheppard bowed his head slightly, but she didn't miss the glare he gave Evan.

"Elizabeth, it really was nice to see you again" he said and left them alone.

"Did you see that glare in your direction? What did you do?" Elizabeth asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm the best friend of his traitorous son" he sighed. "You want to grab something to eat?"

"Thanks, but I'm fine. I think I'll take a look around" she said and excused herself. She walked through the crowd and looked around. She could see Michael talking to a man in a grey suit just a few feet away from her. Unfortunately she couldn't see neither Mia nor Mr. Robbins anywhere.

She left the crowd of people behind and walked down to the bench that was hidden behind the trees at the side of the house. She sat down and watched the people at the party. She didn't know any of those people and she guessed that no one would miss her. A breeze made the leaves of the trees rustle and she rubbed her arms against the sudden coldness.

It was strange to be a guest at one of the Sheppards parties. A few months ago she had still worked for them and had helped to organize the parties. Now she was one of the guests. Somehow she had felt more comfortable on the other side. She had felt more comfortable with Mia and Josh and Mr. Robbins. And John. She nearly groaned when his name popped into her mind.

He really had gotten a divorce. He hadn't just said things, he had really done it. She wasn't bearing a grudge against him, she had never chosen that option, but she hadn't forgiven him either. She wasn't angry at him anymore, there was just the hurt and the disappointment left, but those feelings had become bearable over the last three months and after both John's and Evan's words.

Another breeze shook the trees and she hugged herself against the chill of the evening. She jumped slightly when something warm slipped over her shoulders and her arms. It was a jacket. John's jacket.

She watched him round the bench and sit down next to her. She slipped her arms into the sleeves and looked back ahead again. He didn't say anything, he just sat there and Elizabeth realized that for once it didn't hurt to be near him.

"I can't go to that party. Dad hates me" he said after a while.

"Yeah, Evan told me what happened" she said and she could feel his eyes on her. She didn't turn to look at him though.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with Michael"

"Henderson? Your boss?" he asked and she could hear a slight change in his tone.

"Yes"

"I see" he said and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Evan told me that you moved out" she said and leaned back.

"Yeah, I have an apartment just a few minutes from here. It's closer to the air field"

"That sounds great"

"It is" he said and stood up. "I should go. I don't think it's a good idea when I show up there" he said. Elizabeth got up too. She wanted to take off his jacket, but he stopped her. "Keep it. You can give it to Evan later or..." he stopped and looked at her. She could see that he was thinking about something. "Or you could accompany me" he then said. Elizabeth looked away from him, back towards the party. It had sounded like a simple suggestion. Michael was still engrossed in a conversation, now with a woman. She didn't see Evan anywhere, but Richard Sheppard was nearby.

"Ok" she said and looked back at him.

"Ok"


	22. Painting

**A/N: Beware of certain adult situations. Enjoy!**

* * *

They took John's car. He didn't say where they were going and Elizabeth didn't ask. They sat in silence, he concentrated on the street and she was curled up in his jacket on the passenger's side. After half an hour they reached the air field and she somehow wasn't surprised that she found herself there. 

She followed him across the area and watched him open the roller shutter of the first hangar. He led her inside and it took a few moments until the great hall was illuminated. There were two small planes in the back and he went over to the second one on the left side of the hall.

He rounded the plane and disappeared behind it. Elizabeth looked at the plane. It was white and had a washed out name on the side. 'Freedom'. She traced the letters with her fingers. John came back with a can of paint and brushes.

"You take this side and I take the other one" he said. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at him.

"We're painting?"

"The writing is a bit washed out. I wanted to do this for ages, but never had the time. I'm afraid I don't have an overall lying around. Just close the jacket and try not to ruin your dress" he said and opened the can. Elizabeth closed the buttons of his jacket and watched him choose the right brush. "Just repaint the letters; I'll be on the other side if there's a problem, ok?"

"Ok" she said and took the brush from him.

"Ok" he said and disappeared behind the plane again. Elizabeth started retracing the 'F' with the black paint. There was no talking; she could only hear an occasional rustling coming from the other side. She thought about the fact that she was painting a plane at the moment, but soon came to the conclusion that it was definitely more fun than the party. And the fact that John was on the other side of the plane didn't bother her either. "How are you doing?" he asked after a while.

"Good, I think. Just finished the 'R'" she said and bent down to dip her brush into the paint. A stray curl fell into her face and she wiped it away with the back of her free hand. She groaned when she felt something cold and smeary on her cheek. She looked back at her hand and saw it glistening with black. "How the hell..." she started and looked around to find the source where she could have come in contact with the paint.

"Everything ok?" John asked.

"Yeah" she said and put her brush down to rub at her cheek. "Just a question. Is this paint waterproof?"

"I hope so otherwise I'll have to repaint it again after the next washing"

"This is just great" she mumbled and looked down at herself. She had tried to avoid spilling the paint onto his jacket and her dress and now she had it all over her face. "I might need a cloth and turpentine"

"Your dress?" he asked and she could hear footsteps.

"Worse"

"Don't worry about the jacket. I have enough of them" he said and his voice sounded farther away.

"Much worse" she said and waited until he rounded the corner. She could see that he was struggling to suppress a grin. "Whatever you want to say, don't" she said dangerously when he came over to her. He handed her a wet cloth and she started rubbing her cheek.

"Black suits you" he said in a serious tone, but his eyes gave him away. She threw the cloth back at him and he laughed. "Let me have a look" he then said and pointed to her cheek. She nodded slowly and he started wiping her cheek softly. He then put his hand under her chin to turn her head to the side. Elizabeth's eyes involuntarily slipped closed. She felt a tingle where he was touching her. "That's pretty persistent paint" he mumbled.

"Just tell me it won't stay forever"

"You'll probably need a skin transplant, but no, it won't stay forever" he said and she laughed. "A couple of showers and soap will also work I guess" he said and withdrew his hand from her cheek. Elizabeth looked at him.

"Thank you"

"Anytime" he said and held her gaze. Elizabeth felt a familiar flutter in her stomach when she realized how close he was standing to her. She studied his face, his lines, his eyes and she could tell that he did the same. She was about to take a step back when he leaned forward and kissed her. She was trapped between the feeling of his lips against hers and the hurt that swept all over her body. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away slightly.

"Don't" she breathed and wanted to take a step back, but he caught her wrist. "Let me go, John" she said quietly and looked at him. Instead of letting her go he leaned in and kissed her again. Elizabeth struggled to respond at first, but then she surrendered. She clutched the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. His tongue slid over her lips and she let him in eagerly. She moaned in the back of her throat when he tasted her hungrily.

He peeled her out of his jacket and she had to step over it when he slowly walked her backwards. He broke their kiss and looked at her, breathing hard. There was a question in his eyes and she answered it by pulling him down for another kiss. Elizabeth hit the half open roller shutter with her back. There was no turning back from this now.

John's hands wandered down on the sides of her legs and moved upwards again, taking the silky material of her green dress with them. He then lifted her left leg to his hip and pressed her even closer against the gate. She moaned at the feel of his rather prominent erection between her legs. No, there was absolutely no turning back.

He hooked his fingers behind the waistband of her panties on either side and slowly stripped them down. His mouth left hers and allowed her to breathe. The pushed up material of her dress fell down again when he stripped down her panties altogether. He looked up at her from below and his hands found the sides of her legs again. He slowly pushed her dress back upwards and Elizabeth hit the wall with the back of her head.

She could feel his hot mouth on her left knee, slowly traveling upwards along her inner thigh. She moaned when he came dangerously close to the wetness between her legs. John repeated the motion on her other leg, licking and kissing from her knee upwards along her inner thigh, but never moving higher. He stood up again and captured her mouth in another fierce kiss, his hands on her hips, keeping her dress from falling down again.

Elizabeth concentrated on her hands and found the belt of his pants. He moaned into her mouth when she finally managed to open it along with the button of his pants. They pulled apart for air and she shoved down his pants, taking his boxers with them.

He lifted her leg again to his side and pushed into her in one swift motion. Elizabeth gasped at the sudden feeling and took hold of his shoulders. She captured his lips in another kiss, but had to pull away when he started moving slowly. He rested his forehead against hers and held her gaze with his. His eyes were dark with desire and lust and she knew that it was mirrored in her own eyes.

His slow thrusts soon became faster and harder and Elizabeth's breathing became more ragged with each passing moment. She was glad that he had her still pinned against the wall. She wasn't sure if her leg would carry her now. She pressed her other leg tighter against his side and they both moaned at the added pressure. She had to rest her head against the wall at the building climax.

There was a change in John's rhythm, it was slower, but deeper and Elizabeth felt her orgasm tear at her insides. She dug her nails into his still shirt-covered back and clenched down onto him when she came with a loud moan. He buried his face in her neck and thrust into her a few more times before he reached his own climax. He shuddered in her arms and she could feel his hot breath in her neck. They stayed in that position for a few more minutes to let their heartbeats return to normal before he pulled out and away from her.

Elizabeth pushed herself away from the wall and took a few steps away from him. She took a deep breath to calm herself. She hadn't intended to do that. She hadn't intended to ever have sex with him again.

"Elizabeth"

"Don't" she said firmly and raised a hand to silence him. "Just don't" she said and closed her eyes. She could hear him getting back into his pants and buckle his belt. She then felt his eyes on her.

"Elizabeth" he said again.

"John, please, don't. Give me a minute, ok?" she said and looked at him. He nodded slightly. She ran a hand through her slightly damp curls and sighed. "I continued to live my life without you. I was fine, I really was. I didn't even think about you and now this" she said exasperated. "Why are you doing this? Why has everything to be so irrational and impulsive with you? Why can you hurt me and I still do this? Why am I doing this?" she said and she felt tears prickle in her eyes. "Why are you still haunting me? Why can't I forget you? Why are you doing this to me?" she asked loudly and the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Elizabeth, stop that" he said quietly, but she shook her head frantically.

"No. I need you to answer me those questions. I need answers to those damn questions, because I don't have them" she said and more tears streamed down her cheeks. She put a hand over her mouth to keep herself from sobbing. John strode over to her and pulled her into a tight hug. She tried to struggle free, but his grip was too firm.

"I'm sorry" he whispered into her hair. Elizabeth cried even harder into his neck and clutched his shirt tightly. He rubbed his hand softly over her back. "I didn't want to hurt you again" he said quietly and rested his cheek on her hair. Elizabeth tried to will her tears away, but the more she tried the more tears streamed down her cheeks. She felt as though she had been ripped from her warm and comfortable surrounding and thrown into ice water that was preventing her from breathing. She pulled away slightly and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. John loosened his hold on her, but she didn't step away from him.

"You didn't hurt me again" she said and closed her eyes. She could have made him stop when he'd kissed her, but she hadn't. She had wanted it. She had to be honest with herself.

"I forced you" he said and she opened her eyes to look at him.

"You didn't force me, John. I wish you would have, because that would make everything easier. But I wanted it and I have to figure out what that means" she said and took a step back. He sighed and also took a step back and then turned around to pick up his jacket. He also fished her panties from the floor and came back to her. She felt her cheeks burn slightly when he handed her the panties back and then helped her to pull his jacket back on. "I should go" she then said more firmly than she had intended. She brought more distance between them.

"Ok, come on" he said, but she shook her head.

"No, I'll take a cab" she said and he sighed.

"Elizabeth"

"No" she said more sternly and retreated further backwards to the exit. Getting back into a car with him wasn't a good idea. She could see that he was hurt, but she couldn't care about that at the moment. She needed to sort things out alone.


	23. Confessions

**A/N: Here's another chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey, sleepyhead" Julie said and nudged her slightly. Elizabeth mumbled in protest before she pulled her blanket closer around herself. "At least make some space then" she said and Elizabeth grudgingly shifted in her bed. Julie flopped down next to her and pulled at her blanket. 

"Last time I checked you still had your own bed" Elizabeth grumbled and loosened her grip on the blanket. Julie slipped underneath it and Elizabeth was rewarded with a pair of cold feet.

"It's almost noon. It's suspicious to find you still in bed at this time"

"Have you ever thought of the possibility that I might want to sleep in?" Elizabeth asked and buried her face in her pillow. She was awake since 8 in the morning, but hadn't found the nerve to get out of bed. Her bed was her refuge - or rather it had been until a few moments ago.

"I have" Julie said and punched the corner of Elizabeth's pillow into a more comfortable position.

"Somehow I can sense a 'but' coming" Elizabeth mumbled.

"But" Julie pronounced it clearly "You never sleep in. You're usually long up and running before I even start waking up" she explained and then paused. "I only remember you staying in bed this long when John was here. It's..." she fell silent and Elizabeth opened an eye to look at her. Julie was scanning her bedroom.

"He's not hiding in my closet, Julie"

"But it's him, isn't it?" she asked and Elizabeth pulled the blanket over her head. "You know what? You remind me of my 16-year-old self, suffering from the most horrible lovesickness possible" her friend's muffled voice said. Elizabeth lifted a corner of her blanket.

"We had sex" she mumbled.

"What?"

"We had sex" she repeated and Julie raised an eyebrow at her.

"You didn't" she said and when Elizabeth didn't say anything her other eyebrow rose, too. "You really did. When did that happen?"

"Last night"

"Yeah, I figured that much" Julie said sarcastically and Elizabeth kicked her underneath the blanket. "I mean when did you make the decision to have sex with him again? When did that happen?" she added and propped herself up on her elbow to look down at Elizabeth.

"I didn't decide anything. It just happened"

"It just happened? I thought you accompanied Michael to a barbecue party"

"It was Richard Sheppard's barbecue" Elizabeth said and understanding dawned on Julie's face.

"And John was there and you had sex"

"Not exactly, but yeah" Julie looked at her questioningly. "He wasn't really at the party, but I left with him. We went painting a plane" Julie looked confused.

"Is it necessary for me to understand that?" she asked. Elizabeth shook her head and rolled onto her back. Her fingers began playing with the edge of her blanket. She turned her head to look at Julie. "You still love him, don't you?" she asked gently.

"I..." Elizabeth started, but then fell silent. Instead she nodded. She had asked herself that question over and over again and had always come to the same result: she loved him. No matter what. "I really shouldn't" she said miserably. "Not after what happened. I spent the past few months with trying to forget him and then, suddenly, he's there, wiping paint off my cheek and..." she broke off with a sigh. Julie reached out and wiped a curl from Elizabeth's face.

"Did you two talk about what happened?" she asked and Elizabeth shook her head. "Then go and talk to him, Elizabeth. He's a great guy, even when he's married"

"Not anymore. The divorce was finalized yesterday" she said and Julie smiled.

"He kept his word. That makes him an even greater guy. Judging from what you've told me getting divorced sounds like he has given his father a rather huge setback"

"It has. Evan said that John and his father are on the warpath"

"Then go and talk to him, Elizabeth. You owe him that much"

"I do?"

"You said it yourself: he and his father are on the warpath. It's not your fault, of course not, but John did it for you. He was willing to risk a huge fight with his father. God, it's like in 'Romeo & Juliet'" Julie sighed. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at her.

"They die in the end"

"Right. Without the dying and the family feud of course, but the tragedy is pretty much the same"

"Comparing us with 'Romeo & Juliet' isn't really helping. Their story ends in a disaster"

"Yeah, but your story has already ended in a disaster. What have you got to lose? This is me nudging you in the right direction" Julie said and poked her in the shoulder. Elizabeth sighed.

"You're annoying, you know that?" she asked and turned her head to look at Julie.

"I know" she said and stole Elizabeth a big part of the blanket to tug it closely around herself. "But you love me. Don't even try to deny it. And now get out of bed and find him or I'll think abut moving into your bed indefinitely"


	24. Gone Again

**A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! Here's a new chapter- I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Elizabeth didn't know John's new address therefore asking Evan seemed to be the best option. She had called him first thing after she had left the comfort of her bed, dragging Julie along, but he hadn't answered the telephone.

It was a few minutes after two pm when she pulled the key out of the ignition of her car and stared across the parking lot of the air field. It was drizzling slightly and the area behind the high fence looked grey and deserted. With a sigh she got out of the car and started towards the first of the big hangars. The great doors were wide open. If she was lucky she would find John in there, if not, Evan probably would gladly tell her how to find him.

There was the sound of something clattering when she drew nearer to the entrance. She spotted Evan picking up lengthy objects at the other end of the hall. As if sensing her presence he turned around, pointing several brushes in her direction.

"I haven't seen him" he said before he walked over to a metal cabinet to put the brushes away. Elizabeth smiled and stepped further into the hangar.

"What makes you think I'm here because of John?" she asked.

"Oh, it was just a wild guess. I don't think you're here to invite me to lunch" he said and grabbed himself a cloth to wipe his hands.

"Well, no, but we certainly can arrange that" she said and he laughed.

"Don't make promises you don't intend to keep" he said and started picking up cans with paint. It was then that Elizabeth realized that she was standing in the hangar where she and John had painted the plane - among other things. The writing on the plane was now finished. "I really haven't seen him. He didn't appear at Richard's barbecue last night. You disappeared pretty quickly as well" he said and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sorry about that. It's a long story"

"Well, anyway, I think I heard John leave a message on the answering machine this morning. I didn't have time to actually listen to it. I suppose you still know where the office is?" he said and disappeared behind the plane. Elizabeth shook her head slightly, still smiling. She then turned around and left the hangar in the direction of the small junk room called office.

She could hear Evan swearing in the distance before she let herself fall into the chair behind the desk. Her eyes darted over the mess of papers in front of her and landed on the blinking button of the answering machine. She pressed it and leaned back in the chair, taking the first sheet of paper she could reach with her. It was a list of names.

"_Evan, it's Laura. Your sister in case you've forgotten you have one. Call me or I'll swear to God I'll get on the next plane and teach you a lesson of how to use a telephone_" a mildly angry voice said. There was a beep. Elizabeth put the list with the names for the summer course aside. "_Uh, Mr. Sheppard?_" It was Mia's voice. "_I couldn't reach you at home or on your cell phone. Your father instructed me to call you. He wants to see you as soon as possible. Sorry for disturbing you. I hope you are well. Bye_" There was another beep. "_Evan, it's John. I don't have much time. I've been ordered to Namibia. I'm already on the way. Don't know when I'll be back. In case you see Elizabeth, tell her I'm sorry - again. Keep an eye on her for me, will you? I'll see you soon. Bye_" There were two beeps and then there was silence.

Elizabeth sat up straight in the chair, her eyes pinned to the telephone. She hadn't expected that. John was gone. Ordered to Namibia in the middle of the night so it seemed. Namibia of all countries.

"Hey, you ok?" Evan asked and she spotted him in the doorway, a big smeary black stain on the front of his shirt. She pressed the button of the answering machine again to let it replay its messages. Evan grimaced when he heard the voice of his sister. When John's message was replayed his face became unreadable, an expression he and John were very good at showing. "Namibia is not good" he said with a sigh.

"I know" Elizabeth said, remembering her captivation.

"He'll be ok" Evan said and sat down on the corner of the desk. Elizabeth nodded slowly, still looking at the telephone. She knew he would be ok, but she was still worried. Despite what had happened between them, she needed him back home safe and sound. "What did John do?" he then asked and her gaze snapped to him.

"What?" she asked, shaking off her thoughts. Evan raised an eyebrow at her.

"He said he is sorry. What did he do now?"

"Nothing" Elizabeth sighed.

"He really must have a bad conscience when he already starts apologizing for nothing" Evan said and studied her with scrutiny. Elizabeth knew that look.

"You two do have an awful lot in common. Did anyone ever tell you that?" she said and cocked an eyebrow at him. Evan didn't answer. "He really didn't do anything" she then continued. "You're wrong about one thing. He was at his father's barbecue party last night. I left with him" she explained and her gaze wandered over Evan's shoulder to the door, hers and John's encounter playing before her eyes.

"You celebrated reconciliation?" Evan asked almost sheepishly. Elizabeth gave him a mild glare and then smiled bitterly.

"That part I haven't figured out yet. That's why I wanted to talk to him. Every time I need to talk to him he leaves the country" she said and Evan chuckled slightly.

"It's his job. But I was right. I knew you're not here to invite me to lunch" he grinned.

"As I said before, we certainly can arrange that, but I'm not taking you anywhere with that messy t-shirt" she said and pointed to the piece of clothing that had probably once been white. Evan laughed and slid from the corner of the desk.

"I'll change and you'll talk to John once he's back" Evan said with an encouraging nod and disappeared through the door. Elizabeth slumped back against the backrest of the chair.

"Yeah, once he's back" she mumbled, but couldn't shake the feeling that it might take longer than expected.


	25. Five Weeks Later

**A/N: Ok everyone. Only one more chapter to go. I'll try to post it as soon as I can. I hope you enjoy this one!**

* * *

"You're keeping me from work" Elizabeth said into the receiver and paged through a folder on her desk. 

"_No, I'm not_" Julie's statement was drowned in the loud rumbling outside.

"For the millionth time: I haven't seen your copy of...whatever it is that you're looking for"

"_Still lifes_"

"Still lifes. Why would I need a book about still lifes?" Elizabeth asked unnerved. Now the loud rumbling came from Julie's end. She even spoke a bit louder when she answered.

"_That's art, Elizabeth. I thought you are interested in art_"

"I am, but not in...Julie, I don't have your book" she said with finality, hoping that it would shut Julie up. There was a sigh.

"_There's an apocalypse outside. I need some company and since you're not here I have to call you instead_" Julie said. Her words were accentuated with more rumbling from her side of the telephone.

"I'm not in Washington, because I have work to do. You're keeping me from that work" she said. Julie groaned.

"_You're no fun, Elizabeth_"

"No, Julie, not today"

"_It's late. You should stop working_"

"Listen, I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" Elizabeth said and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her headache was getting worse with every spoken word.

"_Ok_" Julie said and Elizabeth could clearly hear the disappointment in her friend's voice.

"Good"

"_Did you hear anything from John yet?_" she quickly changed the subject and Elizabeth wished she would just hang up.

"No, I haven't. Evan said not to worry, but..." she trailed off with a sigh. It wasn't easy not to worry about him when she didn't know how he was doing in Namibia. She hadn't heard a single word from him in over 5 weeks, neither had Evan. He had told her more than once that it didn't have to mean anything and she wished she could be as optimistic as he was.

"_He'll be fine_" Julie assured and Elizabeth nodded tiredly.

"Yeah" she said. There was a moment's silence.

"_And you're sure you haven't seen my book?_"

"Goodnight, Julie" Elizabeth said emphatically.

"_Yeah, G'night_"

Elizabeth let out a long breath when she put the receiver back down. Heavy raindrops were drumming against the window of her office. Julie was right. It was already late. The sky outside was dark and the lights of New York were a colorful blur in the rain.

Normally Elizabeth would be already in her apartment at this hour, but she had to rework a few things she hadn't gotten done two days earlier. She practically hadn't been able to get _anything_ done on that day.

She didn't know how long she had buried herself in the papers in front of her when a voice startled her.

"You're up late" She closed her eyes with a sigh.

"I know" she said. I'll be done after this file. I..." she started, but then froze, her head snapping up to the door. It was John. His dress uniform was a darker shade of blue around his shoulders where the rain had soaked it. His hair was shining wetly, but it obviously didn't seem to mind for it was as messy as ever. "What are you doing here?" she asked, shocked. He scraped his nail over the doorframe.

"My flight was rerouted to New York. The airport in Washington is closed because of the weather. Seems to be pretty stormy over there. I thought..." he trailed off, but she didn't really listen. She got up from her chair in an instant and strode to the door to pull him into a hug. He sucked in a harsh breath and tensed. Elizabeth pulled away again and her eyes fell onto an unnoticed bandage above his right eye.

"Are you ok?" she asked worried. He shrugged slightly.

"Small cut over the eye, a few cracked ribs. Nothing serious" he said and Elizabeth nodded curtly before she hugged him a second time, gripping the lapels of his jacket tightly.

"Are _you_ ok?" he asked in return and she could feel him hesitate to hug her back.

"We haven't heard from you in over five weeks. I was worried" she said and pulled away, leaving her hands on his shoulders. She studied his face. He looked incredibly tired.

"You were?"

"Namibia, John. Not my best memories" she said and her hands slid off his shoulders.

"I know. I'm ok" he said and lifted his hand as though wanting to touch her cheek, but stopped and balled it into a fist before he let it drop down again.

The gesture hurt more than she would have expected.

"How did you get hurt?" she asked and took a few steps back to allow him to fully enter her office. He closed the door behind him and then walked over to the dark window.

"My helicopter went down" he said and looked at her over his shoulder. "Technical defect. Wasn't as bad as it sounds" he assured and looked back ahead.

"John, I..." she started, but John interrupted her.

"You seem to be the only one who's still working. Yours is the only window that's still illuminated"

"Paperwork. When did your helicopter go down?" she asked and walked over to her desk to put several folders onto a stack.

"Day before yesterday"

"That was the time I couldn't get any work done" she mumbled more to herself than to him.

"What?" he asked and turned around to face her.

"Nothing" she said and shook her head dismissively. There was a moment's silence and Elizabeth joined him at the window. She knew that she had to say something, she even knew what she wanted to say, she'd had over five weeks to think it all through and yet she couldn't find the words. "Promise me one thing" she said after a while and he turned his head to the side to look at her. "Next time you want someone to keep an eye on me, do it yourself" she said and he laughed quietly. She had missed that sound.

"You heard my message?" he asked and Elizabeth nodded. "I take it Evan didn't do his job well?"

"The opposite I'm afraid. He made it his mission to check up on me at least once a day"

"He's dedicated"

"Yeah, so I've noticed" she said and there was another moment of silence. "Look, John, I'm..."

"Don't. It's ok"

"No, it's not. I was unfair. I..." but he silenced her with a finger on her lips.

"It was me who made a mistake, not you. I'm sorry, but there's no need for _you_ to apologize" he said quietly and held her gaze. Then his eyes dropped to his index finger that was still sealing her lips and she noticed him straighten his shoulders ever so slightly before he withdrew his hand. An expression of resignation appeared in his eyes and he wanted to turn away, but Elizabeth hooked her fingers in between the space of the buttons of his jacket and held him back. He looked at her surprised.

"I miss you" she said in a voice barely above a whisper. There was a variety of emotions playing in his eyes. Hesitation was written all over his face when he finally lifted his hand and cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing the underside of her eye. Then a small smile ghosted over his lips before he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. Elizabeth closed her eyes briefly.

"I miss you, too" he said. A smile spread across her face and she let her head drop to the crook of his neck. The collar of his jacket was cold and wet against her cheek. He smelled like the wind and the rain outside and his skin was warm. His hand soon found its way into the curls on the back of her neck.

Elizabeth didn't know how long they had stood there like that when she unburied her head from his neck, a sudden thought crossing her mind.

"Does Evan know you're back?" she asked. John looked confused for a moment at the sudden change of subject. Then he smiled.

"Yeah, I called him from the airport. I left a message"

"Good. Do you already have a place to stay for tonight?" she asked. John smiled.

"You offering?"

"Well, I've got a pretty comfortable couch" Elizabeth said and pushed herself away from him. She snatched her briefcase off the floor beside her desk and shut the lid of her notebook to put the computer inside the bag.

"Ouch. I deserve it I guess" John said and she gave him an evil smile.

"Pretty much, yeah" she said and turned off the lamp on her desk before she went over to the door. "You coming?"


	26. Epilogue

**A/N: Ok everyone. This is it. This is the last chapter. Thanks for sticking to the story until the end. I really hope you like the last chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Elizabeth's hand found her alarm clock before it even went off. A pale ray of light was seeping through the curtains of her bedroom. She rolled onto her side with a muffled groan and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. There was a meeting scheduled for 9 o'clock and she hoped whoever had made that appointment would die a long and painful death for making her stay up at 7 in the morning.

Her eyes fell onto the sleeping form next to her. She could barely make out John's outline in the dim light. Her words to let him sleep on the couch had only been an empty threat. It was alright to sit on it, but her couch was definitely not made for sleeping.

He was sleeping on his back, apparently keeping the pressure off his ribs, but his head was turned in her direction. He was pretty much dead to the world. He had been more tired than she had thought.

Elizabeth lifted her hand and trailed her finger over his temple and down his cheek. She could feel a light stubble along his chin. She then leaned in and pressed a light kiss onto his lips. It was the first kiss after their encounter on the air field. They hadn't done anything besides sleeping the previous night. John remained asleep and Elizabeth smiled before she rolled onto her other side and got up, her feet hitting the cold floor.

When the lights in her bathroom blinked on she studied herself in the mirror. She couldn't help the small smile crossing her lips. Having John asleep next door was something she had lived without long enough. His lie was still prominent in her head, but she had managed to stow it in a corner of her mind, as a reminder, but not as a constant thought.

She took a hot shower and then exited the bathroom in search for clothes. She moved across the room as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake John. She couldn't remember ever seeing him this deep asleep. He usually was a light sleeper. She grabbed her clothes and then disappeared into the living room.

She was struggling to get into her blouse when there was a strange sound. She looked around and found her cell moving across the coffee table. She groaned when she saw Evan's name on the display. She snatched the phone open and pressed it to her ear with her shoulder.

"Evan, I'm already late for work. I'm fine, you don't have to check up on me anymore. Can we do this later?" she asked and buttoned her blouse. There was a short silence at the other end.

"_Elizabeth?_" he asked.

"Who else?" she said confused and looked for her blazer. "You know what? I'll call you later, ok?"

"_Ok_" he said slowly and she shut the phone and threw it onto the couch. She had barely slipped into her blazer when it vibrated again. It was Evan again.

"Was there something else?" she asked and walked to her desk to find the papers she needed for the meeting.

"_Just a question, Elizabeth: why are you answering John's cell?_"

"What?" she asked confused and looked at the cell phone in her hand. It wasn't hers. She looked around and found hers sitting on the dresser next to her front door. She moved it back to her ear.

"_You still there?_" Evan asked.

"Yeah"

"_I'm pretty sure I dialed John's number_"

"Really?" she asked and put the papers into her briefcase.

"_Yup_"

"Huh" she said and went into the kitchen. She took herself an apple and walked back into the living room to let it join her papers and notebook in her briefcase. It was unlikely that she would eat it, but she always told herself that it was the thought that counted. Usually it would end up on her assistant's desk later the day.

"_Is it possible that you could pass me on to John?_" Evan asked and she could clearly hear the smile in his voice.

"I'm afraid not. He's still asleep"

"_Is he?_" he asked amused.

"Yes. He was pretty tired"

"_I can imagine_"

"Pervert. I really have to go now, Evan. I'll call you later today" she said and walked back into the bedroom.

"_Ok. Bye_" he said and she shut the phone a second time before she put it onto the nightstand.

"Who 'as it?" a groggy voice asked and she found John blinking up at her.

"Evan"

"His daily check-up?" he asked sleepily.

"Not exactly. I have to go to work. There's a spare key outside in the hall. Under the fire extinguisher down the hall on the left in case you plan to go somewhere. I don't know when I'll be back. I have a meeting at 9 and then I have to..."

"That's too much information, 'Lizabeth" John mumbled. She laughed quietly.

"Sorry" she said and leaned down to give him a peck on the lips, but he held her in place with a hand in the back of her neck. He deepened the kiss almost immediately and the thoughts of work almost fled from her mind. She pulled away reluctantly.

"Work" she reminded herself. John sighed.

"Go and make the world a better place"

"I'll try" she said and gave him another quick kiss before she walked over to the door. She then stopped and looked over her shoulder. "You'll be here later?" she asked.

"Yeah" he said and then paused a moment. "You'll come back?" he then asked. She considered him a moment. Then she smiled.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I'll do that"

-The End-


End file.
